"Everyone knows somebody that needs to read this book (Perseverance) !" –Kathie Lee Gifford, Live on NBC’s Today Show
"Perseverance offers… profound insight for all of us seeking to lead a meaningful life." –Daniel H. Pink, New York Times bestselling author of A Whole New Mind
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What I Don't Know for Sure
Mindfully practicing authenticity during our most soul-searching struggles is how we invite grace, joy, and gratitude into our lives. — Brené Brown
I am in such a weird place in my life. I wish I could press the fast forward button just a bit to speed up this painful, yet necessary period of change and growth.
Most days I get lost in my work, which can be both good and bad. Today, I just felt lost. I feel almost as if I’m living two parallel lives — strange, I know.
I will be the first to tell you that I am way over committed. And I’m working on that — but the struggle I’m facing is figuring out why I’m over committed. I have always been an academic and loved everything about school, research, and especially the thought of becoming a psychologist; however, I feel like that passion has been drained. I’m trying to regain it, but seem to continually be hitting walls. Without Sarah Hope, a fellow clinical grad student and blog reader– hi Sarah!, I probably would not be in the program anymore. Sarah Hope has been an incredible friend and has unbelievable passion.
Where has my passion gone? Is it because I’m at a new school– the whole transition thing? Is it the lack of support from those who should be providing me with support and guidance (no names mentioned!)? Is it the constant pressure of not making a mistake since mistakes aren’t taken too lightly?
I know the passion exists because I feel it deep down, but there’s something about the current situation that is draining it.
It’s very complicated and confusing so I’m wrestling with all of these questions and waiting for an “aha!” moment.
While this period of uncertainty feels awful, I can tell how much I’m growing as an individual. So whatever the outcome it’s been a positive experience. I suppose that’s what I’ve learned from all of the cancer survivors I know. Cancer is definitely not an easy journey and yet I can’t recall one survivor who has wanted to relive their life without cancer. And so they persevered. I will do the same.
I just read a new blog post by Brené Brown and had to jot down my thoughts. That would be the “beautiful ripple effect” in action :).
An excerpt from Brené Brown’s post, The Kindness of Strangers:
When we want to be honest about our tender places, we often have to push past the tapes that say, “Don’t let them know you’re struggling! They’ll think less of you. They’ll feel sorry for you.” Those fears are confirmed when we get sympathy instead of empathy and judgment instead of compassion.
When I write about the dark places and the hard times, I’m so grateful when you respond by connecting with your own struggles and your own vulnerabilities. When I write about the joy and grace in my life, I’m inspired when you share your own moments of greatness with me. I’m also grateful when we can laugh together. That’s how compassionate communities are built (on-line or next door).
The opposite of vulnerability is not strength. Vulnerability is strength. And sometimes the kindness of strangers is exactly what you need to remember that you’re not alone.
Thank you for helping me remember that I’m not alone. Is anyone else going through a soul-searching struggle? Has anyone been through a soul-searching struggle and could provide some insight?
Related "ripples" you might enjoy:
This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 27th, 2009 at 8:12 pm and is filed under Personal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
3 Responses to “What I Don't Know for Sure”
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Friend, we clearly need a Starbucks get together. :)
Your honesty is inspiring and so powerful. I’m fortunate to know you. I will confess that I too am soul-searching, struggling to redefine myself, or define myself for the first time. You’re certainly not alone. But, from reading your blog thus far, I can tell that deep in your core, you know the personal growth you’re gaining (ignoring professional, academic, etc growth) is the important, authentic part of life. It’s exciting. Well…at least I’m excited for you! ;)
i have definitely been through the same. in fact, i go through it in cycles and with both small and big changes that happen in my life. part of being intellectual, i think, is being hyperaware of one’s own relationship to that intellect. hyperaware of one’s persona. hyperaware of the ways in which we both drive and are driven by our inner lives.
when my husband was in law school, he was often frustrated that he couldn’t just will himself happier. why couldn’t he just love it more? and i would tell him to quit and yet he didn’t want to. the ends justified the means even if the means sucked. perhaps the same will be true for you?
finally, you’re totally right about being overextended. i mean, i barely know you and i know that you’re publishing a book, you run a nonprofit, you are in grad school at harvard… never underestimate the effects of stress, my friend. i’m sure you know stress floods the brain with yucky neurotransmitters and hormones and stuff, right? sometimes just acknowledging that you have every right to be unhappy and stressed out right now goes a long way towards alleviating the bad feelings.
You know that I am not living up North with you, and clearly I can’t give you guidance on the classes you are taking and the studies you are experiencing because i have not myself experienced them, but I can be the hope and motivation you need! You are such an example that there are good people in this world. Living in the area I live in, with so much pettiness and ungrateful behavior, it is truly rewarding for me to know that good people do exist.. and even more rewarding to know that it’s my BEST friend!
I admire you! I love you! and I know that you can do anything you want to. Life will always have obstacles and I know you have the ability to make it through anything and everything. You have so much to be proud of, and you have so many people that are extremely proud of you!
“The greater the obstacle, the more glory in overcoming it.”
I know it is easier said than done, but in the midst of all the madness and stress – don’t forget to sit back, breathe and relax.
“One day at a time–this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering.”
As you can see, I’m a very big “quote person” ;)
love youuuuu