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The Hustle for Worthiness
To live wholeheartedly and authentically requires worthiness. It is an essential ingredient too often overlooked. We are bombarded constantly with thoughts of “not being enough” – primarily working subconsciously. And these undetected thoughts lead us to underestimate ourselves – to feel as if we are in a never ending race (opponent: ourselves). It’s exhausting and self-defeating to let these thoughts remain in control.
As I write this post, I recognize the presence of these thoughts.
- What do I know about worthiness?
- No one cares what I have to say.
- I’m just wasting my time.
These negative thoughts stem from what Martha Beck calls our social self. “The social self is based on principles that often run contrary to our core desires. Its job is to know when those desires will upset other people, and to help us override natural inclinations that aren’t socially acceptable.” She further describes the basic operations of the social self as avoidance-based, conforming, imitative, predictable, planning, and hardworking. The social self is a wonderful navigational tool; however, it must be aligned with our essential self in order to guide us in a positive direction. Your essential self is “… the basic you, stripped of options and special features.…” Its basic operations include attraction-based, unique, inventive, surprising, spontaneous, and playful.
Another way to think of the difference between these two parts of your “self” is to think of your right and left brain. Your left brain is more analytical and critical while your right brain is more creative and carefree. When we act primarily with our left brain, we tend to spiral into a cloud of self-defeating thoughts; however, when we utilize both our left brain and our right brain, we are able to let go of many of the burdens and ideals we place upon ourselves. We have greater clarity and are much better at rationalizing.
The Bottom Line: To believe that you are worthy. To know that you are good enough – regardless of extrinsic circumstances – you must recognize what is causing these thoughts to question your worth. No one measures your self-worth but YOU.
I’ll be worthy if …
Self-defeating thoughts challenge our self-worth. They break down our confidence. They maintain this powerful control until we decide to: (a) mindfully recognize these thoughts and (b) challenge them. These two steps are critical and can’t be reinforced enough within our lives.
: :
In a blog post encouraging individuals to dedicate this week to worthiness, Dr. Brené Brown writes:
Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone; I am enough.
It’s going to bed at night thinking, Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am worthy of love and belonging.
So many of us have knowingly created / unknowingly allowed / or been handed down a long list of worthiness “prerequisites.”
Here’s what is truly at the heart of Wholeheartedness:
Worthy NOW! Not when. Not if. We are worthy of love and belonging NOW. Right this minute. As is.
: :
The Take Home Message
Exercise your worthiness muscle.
Remember: You are enough.
Giveaway
To celebrate the release of Brené Brown’s DVD, The Hustle For Worthiness, I am giving away one copy of the DVD! Leave a comment below sharing a simple, positive thought. Comments will be closed Sunday March 14th at 6 PM EST with the winner posted shortly after.
Wishing you a wonderful week of worthiness!
Update: Sunday March 14th
–> Giveaway Recipient (chosen via random.org): Giulietta the Muse
Thank you so much to everyone who commented. I am so grateful that you shared such beautiful, authentic thoughts on A Beautiful Ripple Effect.
Related "ripples" you might enjoy:
- Determined
- Are You Unraveling?
- 10 Simple Truths For Living a Life You Love
- It is not the critic who counts
- The Journey
This entry was posted on Thursday, March 11th, 2010 at 8:00 am and is filed under Authenticity, Treasure Chest. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
30 Responses to “The Hustle for Worthiness”
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Twitter: jessicagswift
says:
What a fantastic post, Carolyn. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, especially in the moments when I’m comparing myself to others and listening to thoughts about not being good enough, never being good enough, etc. I like to remember that just by being a human, by being alive, we are unique and special and worthy of love (including, and probably most-importantly, self-love) and acceptance. I so appreciate the reminder this morning! And I care 100% what you have to say. :)
jess gonacha swift´s last blog ..do what YOU want
Twitter: carmentorbus
says:
I’m loving all these worthiness posts this week stemming from Brené’s DVD. ♥ What a gift!
Carmen´s last blog ..This I believe.
I just discovered your blog this morning and I’m already loving it. I would love to check out this DVD and I’m excited to keep following your blog!
Teri [a foodie stays fit]´s last blog ..A night of firsts…
How does the Universe know that this is what I needed to hear right now?
“No matter what gets done and how much is left undone; I am enough.”
I am stopped in my tracks by this affirmation. That is so powerful.
I have been feeling that “if only” creep in. I place too many of those burdens on myself, they are not outward influences, although they can be swayed by them. But really it comes down to me and my attitude. I have these ideas that I can enter 9 of 9 categories in this contest by the end of next month. I have been thinking and planning and concocting for months, but finally I realized that it is now or never. Maybe it will be never, but maybe those are good ideas that don’t need to be rushed. I will just do what I can and know that was enough.
I am enough today. Thank you for the revelation.
Enjoy the day!
Erin
Erin Prais-Hintz´s last blog ..30 Words::Thaw
thank you for sharing this! was speaking about this very topic yesterday with my therapist! Sadly I see myself a believer in 5 out of your 7 prerequisites- maybe i’ll take a break from that today?! it might stick! I love the title of your post too! Glad to have found your blog!
I’d love to be entered in the contest! thank you! xo
Twitter: sandraflear
says:
I also am loving reading all the blog posts on this DVD – such an important topic.
Twitter: leecurrie
says:
My positive thought for today? Just enjoy, take it all in: embrace whatever lesson is given to you today.
Loving the influence of Brene Brown all over the www this week!
Lee´s last blog ..*8 Things: I am worthy
Good post about the civil war often going on in our heads. Mine used to be pretty bad. It is possible though to muffle the negative side by confronting the nonsensical stuff it chatters endlessly about. Mine seemed to be more You can do this versus You can’t do that.
My life is far more peaceful and proactive and fun and wild and amazing.
I am worthy!
Thx, Giulietta, Inspirational Rebel
Giulietta the Muse´s last blog ..Three keys to success and happiness!
Twitter: carolynr
says:
Congratulations, Giulietta, you are the recipient of the Brene Brown DVD!!
Thank you for sharing this! I found your blog today (after a truly awful day) and just a moment of acknowledging that I am enough is helping to restore my spirits a little bit. My positive thought for today? No one ever died from having a messy house.
Twitter: heypooks
says:
This is a DVD that I need to watch. To show my children. Share with my best girlfriends. Because we’re all enough, even if we don’t always believe it. Thanks for sharing!
Twitter: leanamay
says:
Great post Carolyn! After the Oscars Sandra Bullock was asked what it is like to be a role model for others. Her answer stuck with me. She said that she doesn’t want to be a role model because each one of us is unique and has our own gifts to give. We should embrace who we are as individuals and “walk our own walk” versus trying to follow in someone else’s footsteps. She said it much more eloquently, but you get the idea!
P.S. I love the photo at the top of the post!
Leana´s last blog ..the obama’s
Hi Carolyn,
This post couldn’t have come at a more pivotal time in my life. It seems I have everything going for me from my own perspective and from the perspectives of others, yet I continue to doubt myself daily. Thank you for making such a clear distinction between the social and essential parts of our personalities. It makes a lot of sense. One of my favorite quotes, that parallels the concept of “being enough” is from Hellen Keller:
“I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble.”
Mostly we can observe all the beauty around us: the miracle of nature, the flowers, the colourfull sunsets, the innocence of children, the music, the friends we have,…
Let us open our heart for ourselves and feel that we are a part of all this magic!
Life is too short not to feel worthy, but there are days when it seems like such a struggle! I am currently teaching 4th graders about self-esteem and many of the points you brought resonate with me and inspire me in my planning for future lessons. Thank you.
Thanks for this post Carolyn :)
I am going to try utilizing both sides of my brain, I tend to go back and forth throughout the day. I used to care about what people thought, but I have come to realize that, it really doesn’t matter what they think.. Thanks for reminding me that “I am worthy!”
Love the simplicity of the message. You are enough. That’s all that needs to be said.
I just came upon your blog and how refreshing…I love your honesty and simplicity when talking about these difficult-but universal-issues. We are all worthy-beacuse we “ARE”…
Soraya Nulliah´s last blog ..Assignment #4
Twitter: BrilliantWomen
says:
The perfect post at the perfect time.
I will mindfully be aware of these thoughts and then challenge them! Thanks for a wonderful article!
Pam´s last blog ..Who Are the Singers in Your All Girl Backup Group?
Twitter: steffurness
says:
My two favorite simple thoughts:
“The world is too dangerous for anything but truth, and too small for anything but love.”
and
“This little light of mine…I’m gonna let it shine!!”
Thank you for sharing your truth, love, and light with us!
One of my favorite quotes sums it up nicely….
Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.
~Henry Ford
Thank you for your blog and this post.
Thanks for a wonderful post, Carolyn.
I believe that life offers us possibilities of peace and joy in every moment — and those are the only possibilities that life offers.
Our thoughts determine whether our minds are open to realize those possibilities–whether we are open to realize our own truth as being of love. Thoughts of unworthiness, for instance, close our minds to those possibilities, and then we end up experiencing unpeace and unhappiness and un-well-being of every kind.
A “miracle” can be understood as the shift of perception that happens when we shift from thoughts of unworthiness and fear to thoughts of love. Shifting your thoughts doesn’t “make” you worthy — it simply allows you to remember your worthiness.
A miracle is always just one thought away.
Bill´s last blog ..Happiness and the Spiritual Journey- part 1
Twitter: benspoont
says:
Amazing post – one of your best ever
Dear Carolyn,
Along with your thought that we are each enough already in this moment as we are, is the thought that each of use is always doing the best we can in this moment with what we have. I know some people will argue and say that we could push more, do more etc. but the reality is is that each of us is where we are in our lives. And if I can do more today than yesterday, or be at peace more than yesterday it is because I am doing the best that I can. And the days when I do less, or I am less at peace, I am still working from where I am at, doing the best that I can at that moment.
I know that this thought helped move me to a place of forgiveness and compassion to other significant people in my life, and has helped me be gentler on myself also.
Peace and joy from me to each of you,
Heather
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Worthiness is something that you must demand daily from yourself cause everything that we’re socialized to be as women tells us different. I like to meditate and avoid the gossip blogs whenever humanly possible. Being a blogger its amazing the amount of who people are drawn to negativity like flies to honey. The comments alone will have in a downward spiral of darkness and mean spiritedness.
That aside…worth and feeling worthy come from daily practice. It’s not a switch that you flip on one day or a one shot deal. It comes from habitual unrelenting practice. Albeit having a “refuse to lose” mentality. That means less TV, more love making, less Debbie Downers as friends, exploring your favorite cookbook, more dancing, and making your emotional health a priority.
You’ll have your days cause you’re human. But practice makes perfect.
I love blogging like this! Thanks for sharing your truth and inspiring others.
Get Togetha´s last blog ..ms. romance.
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Thank you!! I have been struggling today with a serious case of ‘I suck because it has been two weeks since I last posted on my blog’ – pfft!! I need to remember that it’s OK to have down time, and spend an occasional day in your pyjamas watching tv :)
So, thanks so much for the beautiful post!!
Emily´s last blog ..Dreaming of a Holiday in… Tasmania
This is beautiful, Carolyn! Thank-you! @})–>–>———–xx ~Jenn
Jenn´s last blog ..Sharing Some Writing -My Hearts Play