My story is changing—the story I wrote so long ago. And the little girl within me doesn’t want to let that story go. Yet, the woman I am today knows that this story no longer fits. It is time to begin rewriting the story, one single step at a time.

I’ve shifted my thoughts from what “I don’t know” to what “I do know.” I created a list titled “What I Do Know” and surprised myself with the security I feel in so many areas of my life. Now, when I begin to focus solely on the unknown, I shift my focus to the wonderful things I do know. It’s a quick and simple way to float along the sea of uncertainty.

Below you can download a simple index card like template to jot down what you DO know. Try it. You’ll be amazed at how quickly your perspective will change!

What I Do Know (PDF Download)

image: type + image

Related posts:

1. How to Embrace Uncertainty and Cultivate Inner Peace
2. Are You Self-Compassionate?
3. Inspiration for 2012

Below are my responses to the last two prompts. I used these prompts as a way to pull together some of the major themes from my responses thus far. It was a great way for me to take a step back and see the big take home messages.

Even if you didn’t participate in Reverb11, or maybe started but didn’t finish, I highly recommend exploring these two prompts as a separate exercise.

30. No. What will you say no to in 2012?
31. Yes. What will you say yes to in 2012 that you didn’t say yes to in 2011?

I approached these prompts as one.

NO < YES [the goal: less NO, more YES]

Less No, More Yes

No: Self-defeating language (e.g., I’m not good enough.)
Yes: Compassionate language (e.g., I am good enough.)

No: Should
Yes: Want

No: Comparison and Jealousy
Yes: Connection, Collaboration, and Inspiration

No: Defeat
Yes: Change

No: Quantity
Yes: Quality

No: Restless nights
Yes: Embracing rest and stillness

No: Judgment
Yes: Compassion

No: Avoiding fear
Yes: Minimizing fear through action

No: Clutter
Yes: Space

No: Drain
Yes: Nourish

No: Hibernation
Yes: Exploration

No: Worry
Yes: Curiosity

No: Reactive
Yes: Proactive

No: Playing it safe
Yes: Leaping and Playing BIG

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image: stacey bradley (etsy: perle anne)

p.s. have you entered the shabby apple dress giveaway? love hearing the places you plan to wear the dress!

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What would you like to say less NO and more YES to in 2012?

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29. Questions.

What questions did you ask in 2011? (Author: Kaileen Elise)

I love questions—especially new questions. New questions always make me curious! I don’t love the questions that seem to constantly arise—the questions that demand investigation, change, and typically difficult to realize answers. These are the questions we run through our minds over and over again. These are the questions that are easier for us to ignore and push deep into our subconscious. In 2011, I focused a lot of my mental energy on these questions; the answers are slow to appear so great trust and faith in the process is necessary to believe that they will become visible at the right time. Below are a few questions from 2011, copied directly from the pages of my journal (note: I refer to myself as both I and you in the questions!).

—Should I give up on *this* dream?

—What do I need in this moment?

—What can I release from my life?

—Why are you doing *this* and not *that*?

—What am I avoiding? How can I reframe what I’m avoiding into something less cringe worthy?

—Given the current circumstances (which you can’t change), how do you choose to react?

—What mini-action can I take right now to move toward my desired goal?

—What are your options? What do you *want* to do? [this question is especially helpful when you feel lazy. write down all the possible items that you *want* to do and 9/10 times you'll be bored by the items after writing them down. it helps me get my groove back!]

—How can you bring a sense of security and ease to this situation (and similar situations in the future)?

—How can you actively use this lesson moving forward?

—How can I best protect my self-worth in this situation? (hint: magic ingredient=self-compassion)

—Are you being proactive or reactive?

—What evidence do I need to provide for myself to feel fulfilled?

What questions did you ask in 2011? What questions would you like to ask more in 2012? Any questions you would like to ask someone else?

photograph: maya lee

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1. Less No, More Yes
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28. Vocabulary.
If you could eliminate one word from your brain forever—what would it be? (Author: Meadow DeVor)

One Word: Ruin

I tend to think in extremes—an all or nothing mindset (i.e., perfectionistic thinking). The most powerful way I reinforce this mindset: my language.

Ruin = Defeat. Crush. Break. Minimize.

These words lead to thoughts associated with “beyond repair” and “hopelessness.” To ruin is to weaken, to be left broken apart.

“This will ruin me.” could replace with “This will change me.”

Change is something I can work with. It’s a word that has options—hope.

The words we use have consequences. The words we subconsciously use have even greater consequences. Rather than focus on a word that quickly comes to mind, I dug a bit deeper and recognized words that I use often without even realizing. These are the words I want to bring awareness to. To eliminate them from my brain forever would be a great superpower; however, in reality, we must practice replacing these unwanted words with wanted words.

Notice –> Replace –> Rinse + Repeat

Over time, and with lots of repetition, you’ll notice yourself using the wanted words far more frequently than the unwanted, and this shift in communication lead to shifts in thoughts, feelings, actions, and consequences. Never underestimate the power of one word!

Check out Meadow’s post on this topic. She has some great word replacements in the post that I highly recommend printing to reference :).

image: uupp

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1. Practicing Ease
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image: found via pinterest

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25. Surprises
What was one thing that surprised you in 2011?

There were a lot of surprises in 2011. In particular, one surprise hurt a lot and is something I’m still trying to work through. For me, to “work through” means to unravel the lesson(s) from within this surprise and maybe even possibly turn this negative into a positive (time is going to be an important ingredient in making this happen). It was a hard surprise because it made me question my faith in those I intrinsically trust. Trust is not something that I give to others freely and when I do give it, I give it 100%. I need to learn to be more giving with my trust but to hold back from trusting to the point that I don’t listen to my intuition. It boils down to gaining more confidence in myself and in my intuition.

Now, let’s turn this around and look at a positive surprise from 2011! I am surprised at my resilience. And I am proud of this incredible resilience. It takes A LOT for me to give up—that’s something I just don’t do. If I believe in something, I will not give up. Throw me obstacle after obstacle, and I’ll keep showing up and giving my all. I guess you could say I’m one tough cookie who can’t be pushed down :)!

26. Rituals
What ritual(s) would you like to introduce into your life?

In 2012, my focus is on happiness + self-care. I want to introduce rituals that will allow me to regain a sense of wellness. My body has been under so much stress over the past few years and I need to take care of it and take care of “me.” I believe in introducing new rituals through tiny actions (over time these actions create tremendous change).

Currently, I’m eating breakfast with my hubby every morning and celebrating this time together. We’re making an effort to really pause for breakfast (no electronics) and begin the day on a clean slate.

Other rituals I would like to introduce: daily meditation, weekly exercise routine (yoga, pilates, strength training, cardio), tea and journaling in the evening, restart daily gratitude practice.

Are there any rituals you’ve recently added into your life? Or rituals you would love to add to your life?

image: cygne noir

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One of my favorite quotes is from Tuck Everlasting by Natalie Babbitt. Immortal and fearless Tuck urges Winnie to let go of her preoccupation with her own mortality. “Don’t fear death; fear the unlived life. You don’t have to live forever, you just have to live.” Simply stated. Yet why is it that when looking back on the moments, minutes, and even seconds of our lives, so much is spent wasted, afraid of the outcome? Shouldn’t it be about embracing the journey, because it’s not the beginning or the end, but the process in the middle that we really call life?

It’s always intrigued me that the most rewarding decisions in life have been the ones I feared the most. Skydiving, talking to strangers, diving with sharks, living on my own, brain surgery, falling in love, and losing it all. For most of early adulthood I lived my life in fear. Fear of the future, afraid of what I didn’t know, scared like hell of losing control. I accepted unhappiness in my relationships, terrified of the alternative. I didn’t know who I was by myself. I became more of a stranger to myself than to anyone else. I could see and hear the vacant shell that my once vibrant spirit called home. I sheltered myself from anything that could trigger pain. I gave up passion for the people and things I loved the most. Even worse I gave up passion for myself. I was too scared to have the courage to let go. I. Was. Numb. The idea of letting myself feel happy paralyzed me. I sabotaged and robbed myself of many great joys for fear that the feeling could disappear at any minute. I closed myself off.

Three or four years after being diagnosed with Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN), a debilitating brain disease, I began to realize that I was not living. I simply existed. The funny thing about chronic pain that most people who don’t experience it will never understand, is after time it not only becomes your most hated enemy but also your best friend. Friendship is supposed to give you comfort and in a sick way TN became the closest friend I had. I gave up relationships with other people I cared dearly about because the only one I wanted was the one I had with my disease. Being in such an unhealthy “relationship” I couldn’t see that the isolation it created came full circle. My life revolved around doctor’s visits, injections, medications and everything else that comes with a diagnosis of TN, yet I had no one to share these with but the ugly disease.

Obsessed with getting better and being pain free, I didn’t realize life was passing me by. I became complacent with the things and people I loved. I neglected friends and family choosing to spend my days and nights isolated and alone. It was easier than the risk of letting someone in, only for them to disappear upon finding out I was sick. But what I quickly realized is my relationships flourished when I was honest. I started letting people into my life and the daily struggles I face and it was clear I had been treating people the way I feared they would treat me. I gave no one a chance to prove me wrong. I greatly underestimated the capacity to love and accept unconditionally that a true friendship has. I quickly became aware of the amount of people out there who may never know or feel your pain, but have the depth and compassion to understand a basic human struggle. Yes I have an illness for which I am in pain more often than not, but the people that mattered didn’t care. They pushed me when I couldn’t go any further, they inspired me when I lost sight of my dreams, they laughed and cheered with me when I triumphed, and most importantly they taught me to let love back into my life. They showed me that I did possess a great love and it was not for my illness. I learned to have love for myself stripped down bare with all its imperfections and love from others without the fear of it slipping away at any moment.

Looking back I don’t regret the time I spent afraid, but I do know that I will never again live my life in fear. That time taught me it’s not reckless to jump in blindly with my heart wide open. It’s okay to embrace the unexpected adventures that life might throw my way. And yes I’ll trip and stumble, laugh and cry. I’ll have days where I am on top of the world and days where the universe feels like it is pushing back so hard I might break and snap in half, but at least I am living life on my own terms. These are the days that define us. These are the moments when we can face the pain without shutting down.

Life is meant to have many ups and downs. What I have learned from my experience with chronic pain is that if you don’t run from it you can nurture the lessons you learn during the difficult moments. It’s OK to be imperfect. It’s OK to allow others to see your flaws. Being vulnerable is beautiful; our mistakes are what people love about us. What defines you and I as beautiful people is being able to show others your human side. Everyone has battle scars; they tie us together as an imperfectly perfect human race.

Life is an incredible journey I would not change—my struggles I would not trade. This is my magnificent failure.

image: susannah tucker

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And even more important to fully believe and acknowledge these four words, especially if the outcome is not what you had hoped. To know you gave it your best shot, that you tried so hard, is admirable. Feel a sense of pride.

Sometimes you need to say these four words to someone who cares deeply about you. To be praised for trying so hard. To hear someone say to you, “I know you did.”

…

This post is raw and personal. I realize these words may trigger emotions in you. And I know the meaning of these words will differ depending on your personal situation. I am sharing these four words because saying them aloud recently to someone who cares deeply for me was a very powerful experience.

…

image: found via pinterest

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21. Space. Where do you feel most safe, most free to be yourself—where you let down your guard?

When thinking about where I feel most safe, I began by writing down the words/feelings/emotions that I automatically associate with “safe.” Below is my unedited list.

safe = freedom, quiet, calm, recognize my locus of control, personal expectations > extrinsic expectations, structure, confidence, creating my own formula, letting whatever happens be enough, doing the work, following sparks of inspiration, trusting my inner voice—confident in my intuition, entering and exiting with intention—setting up safe rituals to help me do this, less rigid and more exploratory, showing up for myself before anyone else.

I feel most safe in one particular physical space, my creative cave—my office. And this space is powerful for me. Its held me in times of intense vulnerability. I trust this space and its seemingly magical powers to bring me back to a place of security regardless of what may be happening beyond its walls. It has become a security blanket, a place I retreat to knowing that I will let down my guard.

But I’m losing this space. I will be moving at the end of February and realize that losing this space is making this transition even more difficult.

Between now and mid March, my life will be full of travel, packing, uncertainty, and chaos. All activities that fuel me with great energy and calmness (NOT!).

My focus is turning to how I can create this space for myself—a space that is flexible and not dependent on my location.

I’ve been traveling for the past two weeks and without realizing it, I have already begun to challenge my old patterns and dependence on my physical space by continuing to blog (actually blogging more than even when I’m in my normal space/routine). I didn’t plan on doing this, but it has allowed me to see (and have actual evidence) that everything won’t fall apart without the anchor of my safe space.

Have you ever had similar fears when making a big move? Any suggestions on creating a more flexible safe space while I’m in transition mode for the next couple of months?

image: pinterest via weheartit

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These were the thoughts running through my mind last night, prior to the clock striking midnight. While these simple mantras seem uplifting and helpful, they actually made the transition more stressful and emotional for me. I so wanted to usher in the new year with a completely clean slate, but in reality, is that really practical? NO!

I felt numb, paralyzed by the pressure of trying to get myself into this positive mindset by midnight. I didn’t know how to simply let go of this “ideal” that I had crafted—to embrace my perfectly imperfect reality, to face the transition from a place of self-compassion.

Five minutes before the clock struck midnight, standing amid a crowd of people dancing and smiling, I pulled my husband into the hallway. I held him close, leaned my face onto his shoulder, and released the emotions holding me hostage. I cried, tears streaming down my face, and felt so grateful. I felt loved not only by my husband, but most importantly by myself. I let myself simply be “me” in the moment. I didn’t have to have the “perfect” transition into 2012.

One minute before the clock struck midnight, my face still a bit wet from the tears, I joined my family and huddled alongside my husband to ring in the new year. It was absolutely perfect. I felt liberated by simply listening to my intuition. I finally felt ready for this new year, ready to face what lies ahead and better prepared to let go of seemingly well crafted plans when my intuition sways me in a different direction.

Now, standing on the other side of the bridge, let’s begin to unravel 2012. Are you ready to begin?

image: simply hue

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