A Beautiful Ripple Effect » Tips + Techniques

The Courage to Continue: 26 Quotes to Help You Regain Confidence When You Feel Defeated

Carolyn — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 12:00:53 +0000

Do you ever feel as if you’ve hit rock bottom? Maybe you’ve taken a leap of faith and the wings you had hoped would appear on the way down never developed. You followed a calling, listened to a burning passion, and hoped the results would be stunning. You bet on Plan A working, but it didn’t. The results are less than miraculous. You feel defeated. The hardest part of being in this state of defeat is not the public humiliation or the blood, sweat, and tears you fed this calling. Rather, the hardest part of feeling defeated is the difficulty associated with dreaming again.

In order to dream again, really dream—bigger than big dreams, you must believe in yourself—in your ability to make your dreams a reality. There is no easy fail-proof way to regain your self-confidence. However, there are steps you can take to begin to rebuild your self-confidence. The goal is to avoid becoming your worst enemy—criticizing yourself at every time. It’s okay to feel defeated, but it’s not okay to BE defeated.

To rebuild your self-confidence, begin to notice when your inner critic takes the stage. Rather than feed this critic, redirect your attention. Below are quotes I’ve collected to help you with this redirection. Find the words that resonate for you and write them in your journal or bookmark this post to easily find words to focus on when your inner critic vies for your attention. Little actions, such as reading a few quotes, can create large changes in your life. The key is to make these little actions very simple for you to actually do. I hope these quotes provide restorative nourishment as you move forward on your journey.

You may have a fresh start any time you choose, for this thing we call “failure” is not in the falling down, but in the staying down. —Mary Pickford

I was inspired to create my own opportunity and not to let others determine what my life could be. —Laura Nelli in Rue Mag (Jan 2012)

Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure. —Oprah Winfrey

Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark. In the hopeless swamp of the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all, do not let the hero in your soul perish and leave only frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours. —Ayn Rand

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen. —Elizabeth Kubler Ross

We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope. —Martin Luther King

When you walk to the edge of all the light you have and take that first step into the darkness of the unknown, you must believe that one of two things will happen: There will be something solid for you to stand upon, or, you will be taught how to fly. —Patrick Overton

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. —Eleanor Roosevelt

We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty. —Maya Angelou

Fall seven times, stand up eight. —Japanese proverb

We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations. —Charles Swindoll

Prosperity is not without many fears and disasters; and adversity is not without comforts and hopes. —Francis Bacon

Keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final. —Roger Babson

It is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation. —Herman Melville

Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle. —Christian D. Larson

Mistakes are a natural part of life. We learn by experimenting; mistakes and failure can be important parts of our learning process. Einstein flunked grade-school mathematics. Edison tried over 9,000 kinds of filaments before he found one that would work in a light bulb. Walt Disney went bankrupt five times before he built Disneyland. If we accept setbacks, we can continue to risk, learn, and move on with excitement and satisfaction. —California Task Force to Promote Self-Esteem and Personal and Social Responsibility

You are enough. —@happyolks via twitter

This too shall pass. —@aboundlessworld via twitter

The greater the difficulty, the more glory in surmounting it. Skillful pilots gain their reputation from storms and tempests. —Epictetus

In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on. —Robert Frost

The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache. —Marjorie Pay Hinckley

Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor. —Truman Capote

There comes a point when you either embrace who and what you are, or condemn yourself to be miserable all your days. Other people will try to make you miserable; don’t help them by doing the job yourself. —Laurell K. Hamilton

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts. —Winston Churchill

It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. —Theodore Roosevelt

Just because you fail once doesn’t mean you’re gonna fail at everything. —Marilyn Monroe

The past has no power over the present moment. —Eckhart Tolle

What quote resonates for you? Do you have a quote to add to this list?

image: kikki-k

daily quote inspiration (i’m addicted to quotes!): quote art on pinterest + short quotes on twitter (#quote)

If You Could Eliminate One Word from Your Brain Forever

Carolyn — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 19:31:35 +0000

This post is part of Reverb11. Through January 15th 22nd, I will be sharing my responses to the remainder of the prompts. My Reverb11 responses are a bit different than usual—more vulnerable, less polished, more frequent, and probably more interesting!

28. Vocabulary.
If you could eliminate one word from your brain forever—what would it be? (Author: Meadow DeVor)

One Word: Ruin

I tend to think in extremes—an all or nothing mindset (i.e., perfectionistic thinking). The most powerful way I reinforce this mindset: my language.

Ruin = Defeat. Crush. Break. Minimize.

These words lead to thoughts associated with “beyond repair” and “hopelessness.” To ruin is to weaken, to be left broken apart.

“This will ruin me.” could replace with “This will change me.”

Change is something I can work with. It’s a word that has options—hope.

The words we use have consequences. The words we subconsciously use have even greater consequences. Rather than focus on a word that quickly comes to mind, I dug a bit deeper and recognized words that I use often without even realizing. These are the words I want to bring awareness to. To eliminate them from my brain forever would be a great superpower; however, in reality, we must practice replacing these unwanted words with wanted words.

Notice –> Replace –> Rinse + Repeat

Over time, and with lots of repetition, you’ll notice yourself using the wanted words far more frequently than the unwanted, and this shift in communication lead to shifts in thoughts, feelings, actions, and consequences. Never underestimate the power of one word!

Check out Meadow’s post on this topic. She has some great word replacements in the post that I highly recommend printing to reference :).

image: uupp

Inspiration for 2012

Carolyn — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 23:49:29 +0000

A new year has arrived and with it a beautiful opportunity to reflect on the past, be mindful of the present, and to manifest what you hope to cultivate over the next twelve months. But, as I shared in my first post of the new year, transitions can be difficult and rarely do they follow a prescribed path. We are each on a different journey and periods of universal transition (like a new year) can act as a trigger with a multitude of effects. Prior to sharing a little inspiring activity for 2012, I want to begin this post with a simple mantra, “everything will be okay.” This phrase is beautiful to whisper to yourself—on both easy and difficult days. It’s also perfectly fitting for however you may be feeling in relation to this new chapter, chapter 2012.

Inspiration for 2012

When thinking about the next twelve months, I find it helpful to switch my mindset to that of my future self. I first got this idea from my friend Jess Constable who writes an annual letter to her future self (highly recommend!).

STEP ONE: I begin by asking my future self (i.e., Carolyn + 12 months from today) for one word that has had significant meaning over the past year. In 2012, my one word is confidence. Ali Edwards recently posted a roundup of “one words” chosen by others that your future self may enjoy perusing :).

STEP TWO: After choosing one word as an anchor for 2012, I brainstorm 12 actions that align with the overall sentiment of this word. I jot down one action per month and put these actions on an index card in the front of my daily journal.

STEP THREE: This year, I’m going to further explore this activity by jotting down one positive action/experience/accomplishment after each month. Then, at the end of 2012, I will have created a personal positivity treasury with a record of positive moments to reflect upon. I really think this simply activity will be tremendously powerful.

Inspiring Downloads for 2012

Inspired by the one-word concept, I created a cheerful printable file for you to download. [download pdf]

I also created a printable document to serve as a visual reminder of this new journaling activity. I plan on keeping mine pinned to my inspiration board for easy reference and updating as the year unfolds. [download pdf]

How do you keep track of positive experiences and accomplishments throughout the year? If you’ve chosen one word for 2012, I would love to know what you’ve selected!

image (everything will be okay): ello lovey

Closing Chapter 2011

Carolyn — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 03:02:01 +0000

As we embark on a new year, we have the opportunity to approach this transition with intention.

Imagine for a moment that you can create a bridge for yourself between 2011 and 2012. What does that bridge look like? What does the experience of crossing that bridge feel like? What do you hope to leave behind in 2011? What do you hope to take with you into 2012?

You are able to create a clearing as you cross this bridge—space within 2012 for growth and new beginnings.

Remember that this is your story to tell. What is the ending that you want to write? And how does the next chapter begin?

As you close this chapter, be gentle with yourself. Use self-compassion. Reflect with kindness. Allow yourself to be at ease, to start where you are. Let this transition reflect the way you would like to treat yourself in 2012.

. . .

As I exit 2011, I am saying thank you—to each of you that has been a part of A Beautiful Ripple Effect. To those of you that have read a single post, submitted a single comment, tweeted about a post, pinned an image from a post, emailed a friend or loved one to share what you’ve read here, emailed me about a post, or for spending any other moment on this journey with me in 2011, you have given me a tremendous gift. Your time is precious and I want you to know how much I value the time you take to help me create a beautiful ripple effect of inspiration. As I enter 2012, I will hold this feeling of gratitude close to my heart.

. . .

Wishing you a beautiful journey as you exit 2011 and enter 2012 .

Love,

Carolyn

Pen & Paper: Focusing on Gratitude

Carolyn — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 12:00:32 +0000

Welcome to this month’s Pen & Paper: Living Between the Lines written by the amazing Hope Wallace Karney. To learn more about Hope and the column, please check out the announcement post!

WIth Thanksgiving just around the corner for those of us in the United States, it is a great time to either start a gratitude journal or to create a journal spread focused on what you are thankful for.

I have created a template (PDF) for you to download and print, which you can journal directly on (I cut mine out and will paste it into my journal). You can use it one time, or weekly, or even daily. It is a great exercise to start doing on a regular basis.

I recommend listing out at least 5 things you are thank for, this is a common practice and when done daily it becomes a gratitude journal which is a wonderful way to keep yourself grounded in the everyday things that make you happy.

For this exercise, let’s take it a step further – for every item you list, take a moment and reflect upon it, then write a sentence or two about why you are adding it to your thankful list.

Below, You can see the various stages of my thankful spread:

I decided to record what I am thankful for now, this year, 2011. I added a recent photo of myself and the year. Next, I wrote around them the things I am currently thankful for.

I know it is hard for some to come up with things to list, a lot of times one may think it is too little or silly to record. That is not true! Try not to over think it, and reflect on things you are thankful for no matter how large or small – because both large and small are easily taken for granted, and this prompt will help you to appreciate them more.

I hit some of the big ticket items on my spread – family, friendships, home & shelter, health, and love – but there are plenty of small things that I am thankful for as well, that I could have added, such as…

… my local grocery store starting to carry my favourite hot chocolate.

… borderline warm weather so I can wear flip flops just a few more days until I have to start covering my toes to keep them warm.

… the way my puppy sighs her contentment when I snuggle her close.

… my parents safe journey home after a wonderful visit.

What are you thankful for this year? Today? This month?

The Courage to Write: 23 Quotes to Help You Overcome the Fear of Writing

Carolyn — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 11:00:18 +0000

Whenever I sit down to write, I am prepared to meet my loyal companion: fear. Regardless of what I’m writing, I can almost always count on fear being present. So what do I do with this fear of uncertainty? Most of the time, I choose to deflate its presence by putting pen to paper. However, there are times, when I don’t want to experience the fear and choose not to show up. But I’m really trying to minimize the “write or flight” response of not showing up by creating a safe space for the fearful writer within. One way I do this is to keep a journal of quotes for the moments when I need a little nudge of encouragement to be present and forge ahead.

I’ve chosen 23 quotes from my journal to share here for others who need encouragement when approaching the blank page. I hope that some of these words will resonate with you (and particularly the fearful writer within).

Writing a novel is like driving a car at night. You can see only as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way. —E.L. Doctorow

Close the door. Write with no one looking over your shoulder. Don’t try to figure out what other people want to hear from you; figure our what you have to say. It’s the one and only thing you have to offer. —Barbara Kingsolver

Artists who seek perfection in everything are those who cannot attain it in anything. —Gustave Flaubert

The art of writing is the art of applying the seat of the pants to the seat of the chair. —Mary Heaton Vorse

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done. —Stephen Wright (this one is for a chuckle!)

I have never thought of myself as a good writer. Anyone who wants reassurance of that should read one of my first drafts. But I’m one of the world’s great rewriters. I find that three or four readings are required to comb out the cliches, line up pronouns with their antecedents, and insure agreement in number between subject and verbs…My connectives, my clauses, my subsidiary phrases don’t come naturally to me and I’m very prone to repetition of words; so I never even write an important letter in the first draft. I can never recall anything of mine that’s ever been printed in less than three drafts. You write that first draft really to see how it’s going to come out. —James A. Michener

Writing is thinking on paper. —William Zinsser

If you haven’t got an idea, start a story anyway. You can always throw it away, and maybe by the time you get to the fourth page you will have an idea, and you’ll only have to throw away the first three pages. —William Campbell Gault

Resistance is fear. But resistance is too cunning to show itself naked in this form. Why? Because if Resistance lets us see clearly that our own fear is preventing us from doing our work, we may feel shame at this. And shame may drive us to act in the face of fear. —Steven Pressfield (The War of Art)

A great deal of talent is lost to the world for want of a little courage. —Sidney Smith

There is no satisfactory explanation of style, no infallible guide to good writing, no assurance that a person who thinks clearly will be able to write clearly, no key that unlocks the door, no inflexible rules by which the young writer may steer his course. He will often find himself steering by stars that are disturbingly in motion. —E. B. White

There is always the risk that you may disappoint yourself. That risk is there even for productive writers, as most writers don’t write as often as they would like. Because of this reality, you will need to practice self-forgiveness. —Eric Maisel

By writing much, one learns to write well. —Robert Southey

If we had to say what writing is, we would have to define it essentially as an act of courage. —Cynthia Ozick

Exercise the writing muscle every day, even if it is only a letter, notes, a title list, a character sketch, a journal entry. Writers are like dancers, like athletes. Without that exercise, the muscles seize up. —Jane Yolen

Don’t feel guilty about being afraid of the blank page. Don’t think you aren’t a writer if you don’t rush to the computer first thing when you get up in the morning in order to face the empty page. Writing is hard work. Filling up an empty page with your thoughts, your pains, your joys, and your creative ideas takes immense courage. —Rachel Ballon

Inspiration doesn’t descend like a lightning bolt from the gods. Inspiration comes instead from a steady breath, a solid foundation, and a commitment to the process. —Laraine Herring

Almost all good writing begins with terrible first efforts. You need to start somewhere. Start by getting something—anything—down on paper. —Anne Lamott (Bird by Bird)

Work inspires inspiration. Keep working. If you succeed, keep working. If you fail, keep working. If you are interested, keep working. If you are bored, keep working. —Michael Chrichton

Once we are aware of our fears, we are almost always capable of being more courageous than we think. Someone once told me that fear and courage are like lightning and thunder; they both start out at the same time, but the fear travels faster and arrives sooner. If we just wait a moment, the requisite courage will be along shortly. —Lawrence Block

A writer is someone for whom writing is more difficult than for others. —Thomas Mann

The secret of getting ahead is getting started. —Agatha Christie

At some point we must stop anticipating our journey and set sail. Willa Cather said that she wrote best when she stopped trying to write and began simply to remember. —Ralph Keyes (The Courage to Write)

Do you have any favorite quotes or words of wisdom about writing?

image: pinterest via glitter guide (photographer: bonnie tsang)

Pen & Paper: Overcoming Your Journaling Fears

Carolyn — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 18:36:47 +0000

Welcome to this month’s Pen & Paper: Living Between the Lines written by the amazing Hope Wallace Karney. To learn more about Hope and the column, please check out the announcement post!

I have written a little bit about what to journal in the past (see: Journaling the Non-Beautiful and The Power of Quotes), but from the comments posted with the giveaway last month, I thought I would address it again.

Below are tips addressing some of the fears brought up in the comments last month.

Worried about Ruining or Wasting a Pretty Journal

I used to feel this way too, and still do at at times. A while back I started forcing myself to use journals (and journaling fodder) that I loved in my journals. It was painful, but in the end, rewarding. Now that I have some of them to look back upon, I love the fact that I have a beautiful journal filled with memories I may have other wise forgotten. It is much more fun finding a journal full of my thoughts and activities to look through than a blank pretty journal.

So just try, with one, to force yourself to use it. See where it takes you!

Nothing Important Enough

A lot of people feel they need to have something important to journal about, but that is not true at all! One example I can give about this is my journal from the time I was planning my wedding, sure it had the important details in it, but it also had the silly, non-important random stuff in it too. Now when I look back I say “oh yeah! I forgot about that!” and it brings back a wonderful memory that would not have qualified as important enough at the time—but I love recapturing now in the future.

The rule of thumb: EVERYTHING is important enough to journal. What you had for lunch, a fleeting thought, a funny line from your favourite show, thoughts on if you should buy new shoes, etc.. Months, even years from now, it will bring a smile to your face to re-read the non-important (seemingly ordinary) thoughts you journaled.

Perfection

Your journal is never going to be perfect—and why would you want it to be? It would not give an accurate portrayal of your life—nothing and no one is perfect, and your journal should reflect that truth.

One of my favourite quotes to help you remember this, by Rebecca Moses, “It’s the imperfections that make the charm.”

Juicier and Deeper Journals

There are plenty of places to find deep questions online or in books— even questions you have been asking yourself in your own mind for awhile. Take a look around you and you will find deeper questions to help you fill your journal with heavier topics.

Writing Order and Making Sense

No worries about writing things in the perfect order or as they come – do either, both, however your mind feels at the moment. Your journaling does not even need to make sense to anyone other than YOU – because it is only for you. You can just start writing – no back story or details needed.

Sharing with Others

I can promise you that not every pretty journal spread you see out there is thought to be beautiful by it’s creator. I for one, am not always pleased with my journal spreads, but I made a commitment to myself to share my spreads no matter if I love them or hate them. And sometimes my favourite spreads are the least well received, and ones I cringe at are the most popular. Mine are full of mistakes and spelling errors. If you do a spread and decide to share it with others, I promise you will get positive feedback. I encourage people to share their work to help build confidence and get them to keep at it. Everyone’s journals are beautiful in their own way!

A lot of people do not love their handwriting or lettering… myself included (although I do like it better the more I practice). Here is an example, though, why it should not matter. My mom, she lives far away and I miss her like crazy, she has never been thrilled with her handwriting at all. When I come across an old photo, or get a letter in the post from her – SEEING her writing makes my heart swell, she may hate it, but to me, it is full of fond memories and motherly love.

Finding the Time

Keep a journal with you to open up and write whenever you have a feel moment. I personally do quite a bit of journaling in the living room while watching television at night, or if my husband is watching a soccer match, I will sit with him and journal while he does, so we are together even if engrossed in different activities. I also have been known to journal in the waiting room at the doctors, and while waiting for a lunch date.

Random Tips + Final Thoughts

If you are still at a loss of what to write or where to start, consider starting an inspiration journal. Whenever a magazine snippet, or anything that inspires you—paste it into your journal and write WHY you are inspired by it (and “i don’t know” is an acceptable answer!).

Or, start a Quote Journal. Try doing the same thing with quotes and phrases you discover or hear. Write them down, and then write a bit about why you liked it.

You know that expression, Everything worth having is earned… well, the same with journaling. You may have to force yourself to break past the barriers you put up for yourself, but eventually the “breaking past” becomes easier, and then even second nature.

Try this: Identify what is holding you back and force yourself (gently, of course) to work past it a few times—see how it feels. I bet most of you will start to feel more comfortable and once you do, you can start to evolve a journaling practice that suits your needs.

Can you relate to any of these fears? What gets between you and journaling?

images: hope wallace karney

How to Embrace Uncertainty and Cultivate Inner Peace

Carolyn — Tue, 04 Oct 2011 10:00:23 +0000

In July 2010, I wrote a guest post for one of my favorite blogs, Live Bold and Bloom. I actually reference this post often in my one-on-one work and have printed a copy for my personal journal. It pulls together a few simple yet powerful lessons and techniques that help inspire action amidst uncertainty. Below is the post originally published on Live Bold and Bloom.

One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time. –André Gide

In life, we face uncertainty all the time, from our morning traffic commute, uncertain if we will make it to the meeting on time, to the greater uncertainties that accompany important life events. Uncertainty commonly is associated with doubt, a lack of confidence, risk, and the unknown.

For most individuals, the unknown is extremely uncomfortable. We crave structure and knowledge, a sense of control within our personal universe. When that control begins to dissolve, we face the challenge of letting go of the need to know in order to find peace within the process.

Accept the uncertainty of the circumstance. Recognize that you can’t change the past or predict the future. While such acceptance is difficult, it is essential in order to move forward. Remember that whatever you resist persists. And resistance typically is experienced as intense pain and struggle. Try utilizing this mantra, “I have no idea what is going to happen – and that’s okay.”

Manifest awareness. While you are most likely ready to retreat to your comfort zone of blissful ignorance, you want to bring awareness to what you are experiencing. You have no control when you suppress the discomfort. How can you change what you are not aware of? You can’t. Awareness provides liberating moments of stillness, which connect you to your powerful inner self. And in these moments, you feel lighter as a sense of relief washes over you.

Establish your locus of control. If you cannot control the circumstances, it’s easy to feel as if everything is unraveling on its own, leaving you as merely a witness of your own life. But you are far more powerful than you realize. Your greatest area of control is your thoughts. Circumstances can trigger thoughts (often irrational, self-defeating thoughts) and thoughts in turn determine how we feel. As such, we have the power to change how we feel by challenging our thoughts.

Challenge Painful Thoughts. Bring awareness into the moment and observe your thoughts without judgment. Then, write down thoughts or beliefs on a piece of paper. The simple act of separating yourself from your thoughts is empowering. It allows you to recognize that 1) you are not your thoughts and 2) you have the power to change your thoughts. Focus on one thought at a time. You want to challenge any thought that causes you to feel something negative. Brooke Castillo, author of Self Coaching 101, created a simple four-step technique to quickly challenge a thought. Below each step is an example from my personal practice of this technique.

1) Write down the painful thought.

I should be doing more.

2) Write down the feeling the thought causes you to feel.

I feel overwhelmed, ashamed, and guilty.

3) Write down a slightly better feeling thought that you know is true.

I can take one small step. That’s all I need to do now.

4) Write down the feeling the new thought causes you to feel.

I feel relieved, empowered, and optimistic.

Connect Compassionately with Yourself. Amidst uncertainty, we often resist acceptance of the situation by placing blame upon ourselves. Quickly, we become powerless victims who deserve the worst possible outcome our imaginations can create. Rather than feed our judgmental self-talk, it is important to focus on what underlies such judgments – our unmet needs. When we shift our focus from blame and self-punishment to compassion and self-forgiveness, we are able to take actions that support our well-being and personal growth.

The most powerful way to begin connecting more compassionately with yourself is through your use of language.

Simply notice what you are telling yourself. Are you communicating with compassion? Replace words that generate feelings of guilt or shame (e.g., should, have to) with words that express freedom and choice (e.g., can, choose to).

Regardless of what life may throw your way, you always have a choice. And that choice boils down to whether or not you let something beyond your control define how you think, what you feel, and what you do. Yes, easier said than done, but impossible? No. While it may be more difficult to challenge your mindset, akin to swimming upstream, it’s important to recognize that what may seem easier (i.e., letting the current direct you) actually is not the direction you want to go.

Be gentle with yourself, but by all means, be you. To gain hope and reconnect with your core of peace, you must emerge from the shadows, one tiny step at a time.

—

P.S. Have you entered the I Am Project giveaway? I am so inspired by the comments so far! The giveaway ends Friday (10/7 at 9 PM EST).

image: original via hey amber rae (modified for a beautiful ripple effect)

How to Begin to Cultivate Hope After Failing

Carolyn — Tue, 20 Sep 2011 21:09:49 +0000

The scariest part of failure is being seen when you’re most vulnerable and least perfect. It is far safer (and easier) to hide behind dreams and schemes. It is even fun to dream and scheme—to think “what if,” and to create our own fairy tales—you know, something to look forward to, one day when you just know that it’s the right time. But while we wait for the perfect time, we watch others soar—we listen closely to their tales and imagine how one day we will be telling a similar tale of triumph and victory. These tales, over time, often grow as we gain new experiences, watch others’ experiences, and engage in endless daydreaming.

Now, back to the point at hand—the scariest part of failure. When we abandon the confines of “life as usual,” we leap, hoping that we will fly and garner the awe of those watching from the valley as we soar. But what happens if we don’t fly?

What most people aren’t prepared for is how to cope with the reality of hitting the ground. It’s not pretty—definitely not the fairy tale story that has been growing for years in your mind. And once you’re there on the ground, it hurts… a lot. Your ego is bruised. More than that, your ability to dream and act on your dreams becomes painfully difficult. You no longer wear rose-colored glasses. Leaping becomes harder because you’ve lost your childlike naiveté.

So what do you do? How do you begin to tell your tale and cultivate hope for the future? You realize that you can’t rewind your life. You can either hit pause or play. While hitting pause is a powerful part of the healing process, at some point, you need to begin hitting the play button more than the pause button. To do this, there is one thought that has helped me along the way: you have nothing to lose. Failing (especially failing BIG) provides you with a sense of freedom that you can never gain by playing it safe. It’s this freedom that separates you from those who never leap. It’s this freedom that you will one day tell about in your tale. It’s this freedom of knowing how to get back up after hitting the ground that will allow you to soar far higher than you ever imagined possible.

This is your tale, are you ready to tell it? Begin by hitting play.

—

image: artsyville

PS Have you entered the incredible journaling e-course giveaway? It’s my favorite giveaway so far and ends this Friday (Sep 23rd).

PPS I realize the topic of failure is difficult to discuss in a public forum. But it’s my hope to begin to open up the dialogue around this very real/scary topic so that we realize (we = myself included) we are never alone on our journey. I would love to know if this topic is something you like reading about—you can let me know in the comments or via email/twitter. I am truly grateful for your support.

18 Guideposts for Your Personal Journey

Carolyn — Wed, 07 Sep 2011 17:02:34 +0000

My lovely friend, Mindy Tsonas of the Wishstudio, asked me to write a letter a few months ago to a special young woman about to venture into the scary (and exciting) world of adulthood. I really enjoyed the process of reflecting on what I would say to a younger version of myself—and think you may enjoy tackling a similar project. Below is my letter with 18 guideposts.

What would you write to someone about to start a new journey in their life? I would love for you to share your own guidepost(s)!

I am delighted to share with you a few tips or helpful lessons I’ve learned over the past 26 years. Many of these tips serve as guideposts for me as I continue to struggle and wonder through different phases of life. I hope that some resonate with you as you begin to navigate this magical new phase of your own life.

With love,

Carolyn

18 Guideposts for Your Personal Journey

It’s okay to struggle, it’s okay to wear (and own) your imperfections, and to fall flat on your face – as long as you keep reaching out for support and maintaining the courage to put one foot in front of the other.
Actions speak louder than words.
Learn to say no as much as you say yes. Less is more. Replace “Could I do more?” with “Would I like to do more?”.
Mistakes are powerful gifts. Don’t leave the lessons within them concealed – gently unwrap a mistake to gain the wisdom within its rough exterior.
Ask why before you ask how. Intention is required to create your compass.
Action deflates fear – always.
Recycle. Don’t fix what’s not broken. Reuse what’s worked before.
Trust your intuition. Resist second-guessing.
“Success” cannot be defined by others or even put into the hands of others for evaluation. If left unguarded, your success could be taken away at any moment. If you equate success with your intrinsic worth (even subconsciously), then you will be left broken apart.
Be more proactive and less reactive – to better align your reality with your vision.
Attempting to avoid negative events and situations proves an exercise in futility – negative things happen to everyone. However, adversity can often provide an opportunity to strengthen character, deepen emotional fortitude, and increase your overall sense of self and self-worth. These life lessons can only come when you decide to channel through difficult circumstances while relying on the gift of embracing self-empowerment.
Time and energy are not equal. Improve their interaction by learning their unique characteristics.
Don’t get stuck within the details. Whisper to yourself the words of Terri St. Cloud: She could never go back and make some of the details pretty. All she could do was move forward and make the whole beautiful.
Remember to breathe.
By acknowledging when you don’t know the answers and shed light on your vulnerabilities, you are creating space for your authentic self to live wholeheartedly and courageously. We learn the most about ourselves from the moments in which we let down our guard and admit, “I don’t know all the answers. I am uncertain and that’s okay. How can I transform this experience from one of self-doubt to one of self-compassion?”
When the journey gets tough, remember the words of Margaret Thatcher: You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.
Gratitude is the greatest gift you can give to another human being.
Greatness is never achieved. It is something you must intrinsically bestow upon yourself.

image: pinterest via weheartit