Posts Tagged ‘Authenticity’

Please Be Gentle

November 24th, 2010 | 7 Comments »

I wish I were all bubbly and full of smiles this time of year. But I’m exhausted and drained and really really need some time to breathe, serious time (like a few hours, pretty please!). And here I go again into victim mode – poor me, when really, if I look beyond my jaded view of right NOW, I have so much to be grateful for and so much amazingness to soak up. Why is it is so hard to shift to this valuable mindset when we need to the most? I can’t wait to spend a few days with my family, accompanied by (hopefully) a few minutes of non-work time to treasure the wonderful, the magical, and even the mundane.

My thoughts are scattered – those are the best, right — the 2 am unfiltered thoughts while transitioning from one thing to another and hoping for a glimpse of sleep :).

I want to share a few items I found online tonight that spoke to me, and maybe to you as well? Simple, yet powerful, and truly meaningful. But before I share, I want to let you know that I’m not in a “sad” spot just a bit of turbulence – lots of work, difficult but very important research, and stretching myself daily to reach beyond my comfort zone. I’m growing immensely and I am so grateful for that but at the same time I realize that I must be gentle, to myself and to those who may or may not be amidst their own personal uphill battles. Life is challenging and even more beautiful because of those challenges. So please remember to be mindful that we are all individuals moving through different journeys, be gentle with yourself and to those who may walk alongside you.

Image found on Mighty Girl (credits: Renee Fernandez via Sarah)

… Wishing you a beautiful Wednesday, filled with calm + gentle moments!

What makes you authentically you?

September 24th, 2010 | 9 Comments »

She could never go back and make some of the details pretty. All she could do was move forward and make the whole beautiful. –Terri St. Cloud

I am perfectly imperfect. I have embraced my perfectionist personality enough to make it a part of who I am, for better or worse. And surprisingly, I have come to celebrate what makes me imperfect, to shed light on the parts of myself that don’t fit together cohesively into a nice neat container. While part of me craves structure, routines, labels, and definitions, there is a huge part of me that wants to venture beyond the known, the safe and cozy comfort zone. For it’s through venturing off into side roads and unmapped territory that we can discover and create rather than steer solely in cruise control.

That’s where I am today and where I hope to be tomorrow, one step at a time nourishing the sparkly moments along the way as well as overcoming the less-than-sparkly moments that are always a part of the journey.  I feel like I’m finally settling into my identity rather than trying to constantly redefine it. This is me… who I am, authentically and wholeheartedly. I am all in.

Last weekend, I went to Florida with the soon-to-be hubby* to get our wedding license.  Before leaving on our trip, I received a package from Amazon for a book I had pre-ordered by Brené Brown (whose first book began my journey of accepting my perfectly imperfect self) entitled The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are. I took the book with me on our plane ride home and devoured the entire book in a little over three hours. Rather than go into a full review of the 100 or so quotes I highlighted, I want to share one that stands out the most to me this evening as I pen this journal entry.

Most of us are trying to live an authentic life. Deep down, we want to take off our game face and be real and imperfect. There is a line from Leonard Cohen’s song “Anthem” that serves as a reminder to me when I get into that place where I’m trying to control everything and make it perfect. The line is, “There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.” So many of us run around spackling all of the cracks, trying to make everything look just right. This line helps me remember the beauty of the cracks (and the messy house and the imperfect manuscript and the too-tight jeans). It reminds me that our imperfections are not inadequacies; they are reminders that we’re all in this together. Imperfectly, but together.

What makes you authentically you?

… This post is part of my response to the new online community challenge, Spring Into Action, focused on opening up conversation around the topic of authenticity.

* down the aisle in 29 days!

image: eva juliet

When You Don’t Have All The Answers

September 20th, 2010 | 6 Comments »

Thank you so much for your kind comments on my last “confession” post. I wasn’t going to write today’s blog piece, but realized this weekend that it’s something that I would really like to share with my little ripple effect community.

When you come to the edge of all the light you have, and must take a step into the darkness of the unknown, believe that one of two things will happen. Either there will be something solid for you to stand on or you will be taught how to fly. -Patrick Overton

At so many points in our lives and especially mine at this point in time, I find myself “not knowing” much more than usual. I’m in a period of transition after some time spent really grounding myself away from my academic identity and focusing on self-care. But with transition comes a plethora of unknowns. Because I’m in the midst of this transition, it’s difficult to see the big picture (hopefully that will come as I emerge from this period of time). I have dealt with uncertainty so much in the past few years that I don’t feel the fear that usually accompanies this time, but I do have questions of course. Below are a few questions from my journal focused on this topic.

. . . when/how do you stop searching and start embracing?

. . . when/how do you let go of the need to know?

. . . does there have to be an answer?

. . . how do you know when to trust your gut instinct over the well established road-map?

. . . how do you define “answer?” Is it based on an intrinsic or extrinsic definition?

. . . how do you embrace the uncertainty of not knowing?

:: What I Do Believe ::

By acknowledging when you don’t know the answers and shed light on your vulnerabilities, you are creating space for your authentic self to live wholeheartedly and courageously.

We learn the most about ourselves from the moments in which we let down our guard and admit, “I don’t know all the answers. I am uncertain and that’s okay. How can I transform this experience from one of self-doubt to one of self-compassion?”

Do you have your own questions on this topic… or thoughts on my questions above?

-> This post is part of my response to the new online community challenge, Spring Into Action, focused on opening up conversation around the topic of authenticity.

image: joojoo

Create Your Own Trail

September 9th, 2010 | 13 Comments »

Create Your Own Trail

… when the past begins to dictate your future

… when evil characters cloud the landscape

… when “good enough” is “not good enough”

… when you run out of options

… when you question the status-quo

… when you need, but don’t want

… when you are ready to emerge from the sidelines and take center stage

… when you want others to challenge life-as-usual

… when you accept that failure is a testament of strength

… when you embrace the whispers within your heart

… when you cultivate the courage to rewrite your story

… when you believe wholeheartedly that you are enough

Take a daring leap. Begin to pave your own trail. Listen to the whispers within your heart. Take micro-actions. Commit to change. Take responsibility for how you live your life. Embrace joy and release sorrow. Accept that within this moment, you can rewrite your story by taking one step in a different direction, followed by another step… one action at a time. Give yourself permission to dream big and chase those dreams everyday of your life.

When the journey gets tough, remember the words of Margaret Thatcher: You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.

. . . . .

ps. do you have anything to add to this list? i’ll modify the list with your comments!

image: alli coate

Learning As You Go and The Itty Bitty Check-In List

July 6th, 2010 | 9 Comments »

Today’s post is a little different… no sage advice or aha! moments to share (still there?)… instead I want to talk with you about blogging and how I’m trying to learn as I go. I crave structure and beautifully created project plans; however, when it comes to blogging, structure and plans don’t work for me. I find that as soon as I turn blogging into a project with a start and an end, it quickly becomes another obligation in my already obligation heavy life. And if blogging feels like an obligation, I don’t show up as my essential self. Instead, I enter with expectations and rules to follow — no longer enjoying the process.

Recently, I’ve been telling myself that I am in a blogging rut! I’m not even sure what that means, but my mind has really stuck onto this concept. Something is missing, but I can’t put my finger on what that “something” is just yet. I think the “rut” is a combination of various factors: comparison and judgment (my posts aren’t good enough = I’m not good enough = well, what am I doing? = and around we go again!), personal factors (how much I can share on here about what is happening in my day-to-day life, while maintaining clear boundaries between my personal, professional, and online life), and learning (what is working for me and what isn’t working for me). Now, that’s a lot to process! Rather than berate myself for not having everything figured out, I’m focusing on letting go of the need to know. Uncertainty is scary when we choose to let it take the reigns, but letting go of the desire to create a state of certainty enables us to reestablish a sense of control.

I am learning to show up and acknowledge what is. Simply noticing how I’m feeling without an obligation to fix the situation is liberating. For the past week, I have been checking in with myself at various times throughout the day, utilizing a simple little checklist. About five times a day, I’ll stop what I’m doing and complete the simple list. It consists of six items on a small index card. Each morning, I cut one index card into five smaller cards to use for the day. I write the same list on each of the cards.

:: The Itty Bitty Check-In List ::

day of week:
ticktock:
current activity:

(1) inspired
(2) discouraged
(3) energetic
(4) overwhelmed
(5) confident
(6) bored

This little check-in helps me to refocus and become present. I put the card into my drawer after I complete it. I plan on looking through them at the end of the week to look for any big patterns (e.g., wow, it seems that regardless of the activity, I always feel bored at 4:30 pm… or regardless of the time, I always feel inspired when focused on a writing activity). Even if the cards remain in my drawer forever without any “analysis,” I really value the activity as a way to regain a sense of mindfulness throughout the day.

… endnote …

I wrote this post and was going to separate it into two separate posts, expanding on the first part (learning as you go and blogging) separately from the second part (the itty bitty check-in list). However, I decided to let go and share the thoughts in a less polished format. It’s hard for me to do and the little perfectionist voice inside my head is not happy with me; but oh well, learning as we go, right?

… end endnote …

If you’re interested in working with me to learn innovative ways (creative tricks and techniques with a touch of idea genie dust!) to live a life you love, and truly walk the talk, email me directly to discuss personalized options. Email: carolyn (at) abeautifulrippleeffect (dot) com.

[image: laurageorge]

A New Beginning

October 21st, 2009 | 5 Comments »

She decided to free herself, dance into the wind, create a new language. And birds fluttered around her, writing “yes” in the sky. It is here where she must begin to tell her story.

-Monique Duval, Compendium

GabrielleKai - I Give To You

A month ago, I felt stuck in a stressful place. It was as if my internal drive just stalled and I wanted to hit play and move forward, but couldn’t find a way to do it.

Although I wanted to return to “normal” as soon as possible, I learned to accept this time as another phase in my personal journey.

I finally realized that I no longer live according to a guidebook – it’s scary, but wonderful! I’ve learned so much over the past month and can’t wait to share little snippets with you!

A few words and phrases from my journal over the past month:

  • Patience.
  • Let go of excessively high standards.
  • Accept failure (the extrinsic kind — not being good enough in someone else’s eyes).
  • Allow new dreams to bloom.
  • Keep it simple.
  • Believe.
  • One thing at a time.
  • Grateful.
  • I am loved.
  • Dance in the rain.
  • Embrace quiet moments.
  • Begin.

I’m convinced that owning our story and loving ourselves through the process is the bravest thing we’ll ever do.

-Brené Brown, Ph.D.

What word or phrase is important to you?

We all have the ability to wake up and create a new beginning. Write Yes and Believe in You.

image by Gabrielle Kai

10 Inspirational People Who Have Redefined the Road to Success (Part Two)

July 27th, 2009 | 6 Comments »

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma—which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

- Steve Jobs

I believe that each person has the potential to transform the lives of others. Often, we can change the life of someone else without even knowing it and those who do so are the true change-makers. Now, I’ll introduce you to four people who have transformed my life, helped me redefine “success,” and nudged me toward the path I need to take to get there.

–> Redefining Courage: From Living Authentically to Giving Wholeheartedly

Brene Brown ImageBrené Brown, Ph.D.

Authenticity is a daily practice. Living authentically means cultivating the courage to be emotionally honest, to set boundaries, and to allow ourselves to be vulnerable; exercising the compassion that comes from knowing that we are all made of light and darkness, strength and struggle; and nurturing the connection and sense of belonging that can only happen when we let go of who we are supposed to be and embrace who we are. Authenticity demands wholehearted living and loving—even when it’s hard, even when it hurts, and especially when we are wrestling with the shame and fear of ‘not being enough.’ Mindfully practicing authenticity during our most soul-searching struggles is how we invite grace, joy, and gratitude into our lives.”

- Brené Brown, Ph.D.

When I first read this quote, I remember feeling as if someone was inside my head, someone who knew exactly what I needed to hear at that very moment. Of course, as a psychology student, I had read countless times about being authentic and about the concept of authenticity but still, it never really seemed to click. Somehow, I related to this quote, and it became a guidepost along my journey of self-discovery.

Through Brené Brown’s book, I thought It Was Just me (but it isn’t): Telling the Truth about Perfection, Inadequacy, and Power, and her blog, “Ordinary Courage,” I have gained the knowledge that allows me to make the conscious choices that reflect my decision to choose authenticity.

Some examples of choosing authenticity:

  • Learn to say no. Stand up for yourself even if doing so means the consequences may not be so great.
  • Remind yourself that you hold the key to your dreams. Own your dreams! No one else can decide how your life should be lived.
  • Choose to protect your character rather than your image. You can’t control how others view you, but you can control how you view yourself.

What I admire most about Brené Brown is her unique ability to combine her passions with her profession. She is a mom, researcher, writer, and activist, and she certainly doesn’t fit into the typical box fashioned for any of these careers—and Brené is more than happy with that. You can read her full story here.

Follow Brené on Twitter!

Jackie Waldman ImageJackie Waldman

We all have something to give, no matter what. That’s the courage-the courage to step out of our own lives, even when we think we can’t, and step into the life of someone else. When we find the courage to give to someone else, sharing what we love to do and making a difference for someone else, that’s when we can begin to live joyfully, no matter what.”

- Jackie Waldman

I am grateful to know Jackie. In fact, Jackie is even more caring than any story can possibly portray. She volunteers her time to help select the recipients of CCC’s college scholarship program.

And why is Jackie so unbelievable? Here’s a little snippet…

Jackie’s Story (read the full text on her Web site):

Jackie was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (MS) in 1991. Afterward, she went through a period of depression before deciding that she could make a difference in others’ lives.

“She thought about how she was treating herself and those she loved, and she realized that true survival was not whether her legs worked. ‘True survival was about how we treat each other—about love and acts of kindness, no matter what.’ Suddenly, her pity party ended…Eager to share the power of giving, she decided to compile a book of true stories to inspire others to have the courage to give. Her first book, The Courage to Give, tells 30 stories of people who have had something happen to them physically and/or emotionally, yet when they started helping others, their lives changed miraculously.”

Jackie is also on Oprah’s Angel Network and writes an article called, Begin with Yourself. I love how Jackie discusses volunteering as something that must begin within rather than being an activity that is purely extrinsic. In short, she is an utterly remarkable woman, who is changing the world through her own experience with MS—her words, her books, and most importantly, her actions.

–> Creating a Life You Love: From Creating the Space to Grow to Awakening Your Inner Muse

Aby Garvey ImageAby Garvey

When it comes to space and creating a sense of calm, Aby Garvey dominates the domain. I “met” Aby a couple of years ago, and she has really helped me simplify my life—and get more done at the same time. The most important lesson I’ve learned thus far is to prioritize. It’s an ongoing process, which is much more valuable than just “organizing stuff.” Re-prioritizing my life has allowed me to create the space I need to grow and explore new areas in my life. Without creating space, that kind of exploration is almost impossible.

But I’m even more inspired by what Aby has created in the past several years: an online community unlike any other. Through her online workshops, individuals create bonds that transform their inner lives and resolve their external clutter. The workshops are true transformation classes, which essentially is the process of unraveling the layers of your life that may have created those piles you’ve placed so neatly (or not) on your desk. Aby’s classes are wonderful experiences, and it is a true joy when I’m able to participate in them.

I could devote an entire series of posts to Aby but for now, I’ll leave you with a link that will take you to Simplify 101. That way, you’ll have the chance to begin your own discovery of Aby and Simplify 101.

Follow Aby on Twitter!

Jennifer Lee ImageJennifer Lee

I found Jenn via The Next Chapter: Wreck This Journal. She was an A+ wrecker, so I spent some time on her Web site. Soon enough, I was simply in awe. One statement I found on her site really spoke to me: “walking the talk.” In short, it was a huge wake-up call. In one night, I reflected more deeply about my life than ever before. Jenn utilizes creative methods to explore and nourish the inner you, and the approach is wonderful for people like me who tend to get stuck in their analytical left-brain mode. Engaging the right brain is quite powerful and really can add incredible balance to your life.

Notably, Jenn found success through unconventional methods. It’s inspiring to know that there are countless incredible people in the world who simply did not decide at age three what they were going to do in life. Sometimes “growing up” is a long and winding road, but that’s called evolving as a person. And personally, that long, winding road sounds a lot more interesting than a straight path from A to B!

More about Jenn:
“Jennifer Lee is the founder of Artizen Coaching. As a certified coach, artist, writer and yogini, she inspires you to awaken your inner muse and to live life in full color…. By incorporating creative elements like visualization, movement, collage and book arts, she helps you tap into your greatest potential and live your most authentic, full life. Jennifer is known for her creative, compassionate, collaborative and intuitive style as well as for being focused on accountability and delivering results.”

You can read more about Jenn’s personal journey on her Web site and blog!

Follow Jenn on Twitter!

Future Directions
Unconventional Success is quite an interesting topic – full of inspiration! We began this little mini-series with the 3 Essential Ingredients for Creating Unconventional Success. And now, we have looked at 10 individuals who have redefined the path to success (see Part One for the first six individuals). These posts establish a strong foundation for better understanding unconventional success.

We’ll return back to this topic in a couple of weeks and explore how to use this foundation to start thinking about the “what” – what do you want to create, what are your dreams? Then, it’s on to ingredient two of creating unconventional success: redefining the “how” to get what you want!

Get excited! Remember, nothing is required other than a willingness to reach deep inside yourself to find the strength you need to follow your dreams.

Create Unconventional Success
-> 3 Essential Ingredients for Creating Unconventional Success
-> 10 Inspirational People Who Have Redefined the Road to Success (Part One)
-> 10 Inspirational People Who Have Redefined the Road to Success (Part Two)

Tunnel Vision

January 10th, 2009 | 3 Comments »

Be warned: unfiltered thoughts!

I have abandoned my blog for a few days and feel GUILTY! Why have I abandoned my dear blog?

Easy Answer: Tunnel Vision

In a matter of hours, my life went from simple and calm to a perfect storm. It’s hard to even clarify what that means since I tend to compartmentalize my life. I do this because I’m not sure how to describe everything that I do and how they all fit together.

I often wish I had a simple answer when people ask, “what do you do?” I usually make something up or pick one of my various roles.

So back to my perfect storm:

- photo “emergency” with my book

- book sales’ project to complete within a week

- research proposal needed all of my attention

- statistics final exam moved up a week (to next week — I don’t do well with final exam surprises!)

That’s just the tip of the iceberg, but I wanted to let it out on here because I’ve been dreading to do so. I am absolutely overwhelmed. I am also incredibly passionate about the work that I’m doing which makes prioritizing very difficult.

So for the next week I’m going into hyper focused mode and will try to get through this little bump as calmly as I can. And lots of coffee with help :).

So here goes an experiment: overwhelmed + autheticity = ?

I’ll let you know the results!

A link I found last night describing the pre-publication process for anyone who is interested!

Authenticity

January 6th, 2009 | 2 Comments »

This morning, I was reading one of the blogs that really started this “blog journey” for me. It is Brené Brown’s blog, Ordinary Courage. I found Ordinary Courage after reading Brené Brown’s book, I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t): Telling the Truth About Perfectionism, Inadequacy, and Power. While reading the book and then her blog, I felt as if she were talking directly to me; however, I didn’t even realize at the time that her message applied so much to me. It took time for me to fully understand that being “authentic” doesn’t mean quitting my life or eating only raw foods. It is much more difficult than that! I am just starting to understand what has led me to where I am today and this period of redefining myself. Sometimes I wish I could switch off this internal voice and go back to my perfectionist ways. However, that would go against everything I now believe (or am starting to believe). This past year has taught me that each day we are given a chance to live as fully as we can and that there are no guarantees for tomorrow. How will being authentic impact my role as a graduate student? I would hope that it would make me a stronger student more capable of questioning concepts and creating new knowledge; yet, it is much more difficult to be in an intense program without my shield of perfectionism. It’s not going to be an easy road, but I’m grateful for the chance to go through this experience and realize the potential that exists to learn who I am before it’s too late. Below is a photo of my planner which includes the definition of authenticity on one of its pages (on pretty Basic Grey paper). Authenticity in Daily Planner

AUTHENTICITY is a daily practice. Living authentically means cultivating the COURAGE to be emotionally honest, to set boundaries, and to allow ourselves to be vulnerable; exercising the COMPASSION that comes from knowing that we are all made of light and darkness, strength and struggle; and nurturing the CONNECTION and sense of belonging that can only happen when we let go of we are supposed to be and embrace who we are. Authenticity demands WHOLEHEARTED living and loving – even when it’s hard, even when it hurts, and especially when we are wrestling with the shame and fear of “not being enough.” Mindfully practicing authenticity during our most soul-searching struggles is how we invite grace, joy, and gratitude into our lives. — Brené Brown, Ph.D.