Posts Tagged ‘imperfection’

Letting Go of Perfectly Crafted Plans

January 1st, 2012 | 4 Comments »

Let it be easy. Breathe. Move forward, one tiny step at a time. This is a new beginning, a fresh start. You can begin this year with a clean slate—decide how to approach 2012 on your own terms. Embrace the uncertainty. Celebrate the journey of mindfully entering this new year.

These were the thoughts running through my mind last night, prior to the clock striking midnight. While these simple mantras seem uplifting and helpful, they actually made the transition more stressful and emotional for me. I so wanted to usher in the new year with a completely clean slate, but in reality, is that really practical? NO!

I felt numb, paralyzed by the pressure of trying to get myself into this positive mindset by midnight. I didn’t know how to simply let go of this “ideal” that I had crafted—to embrace my perfectly imperfect reality, to face the transition from a place of self-compassion.

Five minutes before the clock struck midnight, standing amid a crowd of people dancing and smiling, I pulled my husband into the hallway. I held him close, leaned my face onto his shoulder, and released the emotions holding me hostage. I cried, tears streaming down my face, and felt so grateful. I felt loved not only by my husband, but most importantly by myself. I let myself simply be “me” in the moment. I didn’t have to have the “perfect” transition into 2012.

One minute before the clock struck midnight, my face still a bit wet from the tears, I joined my family and huddled alongside my husband to ring in the new year. It was absolutely perfect. I felt liberated by simply listening to my intuition. I finally felt ready for this new year, ready to face what lies ahead and better prepared to let go of seemingly well crafted plans when my intuition sways me in a different direction.

Now, standing on the other side of the bridge, let’s begin to unravel 2012. Are you ready to begin?

image: simply hue

The Giver

December 12th, 2011 | 7 Comments »

Note for new readers: Throughout December, I will be posting my personal responses to Reverb11. My posts will be a bit different than usual—more vulnerable, less polished, more frequent, and probably more interesting! However, you can expect some “special” posts  during the month as well. If you’re interested in reading more typical content, check out a few of the most popular posts. Regardless of what you’re reading (or not reading), welcome and happy December!

7. Giving. “The purpose of life is to discover your gift. The meaning of life is to give your gift away.” (David Viscott) What is your gift to give?

About a week ago, I read a post by Jessica Nichols on her blog, Sweet Eventide, entitled: Jessica takes a Sabbatical. Jessica’s words resonated strongly with me, but there was one line in particular that I related to the most. Sharing these words and this feeling is not something I feel comfortable doing, but am willing to do so anyway since I think it’s a sentiment rarely acknowledged aloud.

I give and I give and I give.

And as Jessica acknowledges in her post, giving unconditionally leaves you completely drained. Because when you give so freely, people forget to ask and just take and take and take. You lose your equilibrium and suddenly you’re no longer in control of your gift.

My “gift” is very difficult to define since it has no tangible presence. I didn’t even begin to discover my gift until after graduating from college. Prior to this discovery period, I gave my gift away without even realizing. I was not mindful of what I was giving at the time.

I won’t claim to know that I’ve got my “gift” fully figured out, even after years of discovery; however, I am consciously recognizing more and more of what I have to give to others.

My gift: intellectual curiosity aimed at solving the puzzles of ordinary and extraordinary suffering coupled with a fierce determination to alleviate suffering in the lives of people that cross my path. While I may be book smart, I have learned that my intuition is far more valuable than any knowledge learned from a book. This intuition is my strongest gift and the variable that enables me to solve problems and alleviate suffering.

In the past, I’ve tried to force myself to value knowledge (i.e., lessons from books or the words of “experts”) over intuition. And I did a good job at letting knowledge dictate my direction rather than intuition—most of the time. However, when my intuition did win over knowledge, I created miraculous gifts like a non-profit organization that awarded over 100 college scholarships or a book that celebrates turning fear into hope at the most difficult of times. And those are just the tangible products, it’s really the intangible products, the experiences and moments that are the priceless byproducts of following my intuition.

Trusting my intuition isn’t easy and often challenges the status quo. However, I realize that if this intuition were nourished rather than belittled, I would be able to give far more than I could imagine and create even greater change in the lives of others. I am beginning to understand that not protecting my gift would be selfish.

These words feel raw and unfinished. I’ve written the above sentences at least three different times—each time trying to find clarity between the lines. However, these words and feelings are unfinished in real time. I’m still within the cocoon of discovery.

image: sweet eventide (support jessica’s gift by purchasing an item from her etsy store)

Year In Review

December 4th, 2011 | 7 Comments »

Throughout December, I will be sharing my personal responses to the prompts of Reverb11. Below is my response from the third prompt.

3. Year in Review. As you reflect back on the happenings of 2011, what were your high points and what were your low points? What do you notice as you look back on the year as a whole?

When you start on a long journey, trees are trees, water is water, and mountains are mountains. After you have gone some distance, trees are no longer trees, water no longer water, and mountains no longer mountains. But after you have traveled a great distance, trees are once again trees, water once again water, mountains are once again mountains. -Zen teaching

This prompt was pretty daunting to approach. I began by creating a pros and cons list in my journal—drawing a line down the center of the page and simply putting events that occurred over the past year on either the pro or con side. Then, I thought to myself, I would look for patterns—approach the peaks and valleys through the lens of a researcher. I even sketched ideas for a nice little graph to accompany this scientific project. However, this activity was beginning to feel a bit too sterile—too safe. I wanted to somehow find a way to make all of the jagged pieces fit together in a beautiful mosaic, create a perception of something more or different than the reality.

Honestly, when I think about this past year (and if you read my blog regularly you already know this), it has been incredibly challenging. It was filled with a lot of wonderful occurrences, but a few overpowering negative ones. I still feel bruised and do not have enough distance yet to pull out the magnificent parcels of knowledge I gained over the past year. However, I do know that they exist and that this past year has shaped me in ways that I am just beginning to realize.

One day, I hope to share the pros and cons but am just not ready to begin today. But what I can share is that I’m genuinely excited, for the first time in a long time, about the road ahead.

What do you notice as you look back on 2011?

image: meg hunt via pinterest

And Then She Said Yes

August 2nd, 2011 | 16 Comments »

… to idle pin gazing
… to that crazy color her heart has yearned for on her nails
… to not be the “best” at all that she does
… to indulge in the ease of not having somewhere to go
… to forgive herself for what she hasn’t been very good at
… to fight for what she believes in even though the resistance is sky high
… to allow her insecurities to show and even get the best of her at times
… to protect herself from getting hurt
… to recognize how vulnerable she is
… to ask for help and practice receiving help
… to read into the wee hours rather than sleep
… to find a way to make the difficult work less thorny and more easy
… to plan celebrations and vacations—and get excited beforehand
… to notice patterns with curiosity rather than judgment
… to treat herself more like a dear friend
… to create her own blueprint
… to be present and notice what she is experiencing rather than seek false refuge
… to daydream about “one day”
… to notice jealousy for what it is—vulnerability and feeling unworthy
… to practice gratitude and relish the smiles and triumphs, regardless of their size or duration
… to feel homesick
… to create greatness by fusing inspiration with action
… to walk into her clearing

After a lifetime of no’s, she is starting to say yes—to herself.

image: sasha bell

Trying to Stay Afloat

February 14th, 2011 | 38 Comments »

You may have noticed that I didn’t blog last week and posted a tweet maybe once a day. While blogging and tweeting may seem like responsibilities to others, for me they serve as an incredible outlet for connecting with others and taking time to listen to my voice rather than quell its whispers.

The reason I’ve been absent is completely related to resistance and fear — the fear of letting others hear and see me when I’m less than perfect — when I’m truly trying to stay afloat. If I’ve ever made you think what I do is remotely easy for me or that I have things well managed and seamless, I sincerely apologize. And I apologize because during this last week I’ve spent free moments reading other blogs, listening to others’ voices, trying to find someone who was saying something I could relate to in my struggle to stay afloat, a little kernel of hope that others experience challenges and know that even though they are fighting with everything in them, there is a strong probability that the challenge will not be “conquered.” I know what I’m trying to do, and why I’m trying to do it with everything in me, but am beginning to question if the way I’m navigating this process is all wrong. Is my stubbornness and perseverance steering me in the wrong direction? I don’t know. I’m truly uncertain and rarely if ever share these feelings with others until after I’ve either conquered the challenge or after I’ve processed not being able to conquer the challenge. But the in between period, that’s where I find it tough to communicate to myself and others.

Yet, I’m staying very positive which is a feat for me even if I won’t admit it to myself. A year ago, I would have crumbled by now, allowing circumstances to dictate my thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.

But I do wish that I could put a little sign on my forehead, and on my tweets, emails, blog posts that says – I am currently trying to stay afloat and could use your support and this is how…. But I am horrible at asking for help, and if I do ask for help, it typically doesn’t end up well during high-stress cycles/periods of challenging work, multiple big deadlines, unforeseen hurdles, and too few hours in the day because I can’t properly receive the support that I may have asked for. I’m limited by hours in the day, energy in my body, the inability to concentrate and produce on demand, and the need to weigh my basic needs over the expectations/needs of others (which is SO HARD).

So my email inbox contains about 100 unopened emails, probably 50-75 require responses and the other 25 require action. I check the emails sporadically and try to focus on the ones directly related to the area in which I’m trying to stay afloat. I’m a productivity maven and rarely get overwhelmed by big important projects or the flow of incoming demands – that is my status quo. So to feel like I’m constantly swimming uphill and unsure if I’m getting anywhere is very new to me.

I’m likely going to regret posting this for anyone to read, but hopefully someone else trying to stay afloat will feel just a little bit less alone. That challenges like successes come and go, take it one day – one moment at a time and know that it’s okay to show up even when life is far from perfect. It’s okay, I promise – for both you and me.

image: a life through the lens

Confession: I am not superhuman

September 16th, 2010 | 9 Comments »

When we hide part of ourselves, when we lie about how we feel, the normal stress associated with lying is compounded by the stress of suppressing emotions. Conversely, when we acknowledge how we feel, to ourselves and to those close to us, we are more likely to experience the calm that comes with honesty, the release and relief that come with giving ourselves the permission to be human. -Tal Ben-Shahar in The Pursuit of Perfect

Recently, I have been plagued by guilt. I find myself asking: Why can’t I do it all? Why didn’t I prepare better for this incredibly busy time in my life so I didn’t feel myself pulled in so many directions? My two main priorities for the remainder of 2010 are 1) to focus on doing my personal best in my graduate program, which will be my most difficult academic challenge thus far and 2) to enjoy the final days of being a bride and of course, the “big day” itself.

I planned on publishing two new posts this week: part two of the relaxation menu series and a review of The Art of Nonconformity. And I will publish these posts but not as quickly as I hoped.

I am not superhuman. It’s a statement that I need to reinforce for myself over and over again. It’s time to give myself permission to stop feeling guilty about what I haven’t accomplished and relish what I have done that is in alignment with my goals and priorities. I am putting a stop to the selective focus on the negative! So that’s where I am this week… struggling to find a way to release the pressure I place upon myself to appear calm and on top of everything amidst a hectic time in my life, a time that I want to enjoy and be fully present for in order to soak up the beauty that is so abundant.

Today, I am present and focused. And I know that this uncertainty and guilt shall pass. But I won’t pretend that all is calm and easy for deception is never the solution.

Do you ever struggle with any of these feelings… how do you deal with the vulnerability associated with being emotionally honest?

For discussion, video posts, and more related to this topic, be sure to check out Spring (september is authenticity month!).

image: rachel twenter

Create a Beautiful Ripple Effect of Inspiration: The 7 Link Challenge

July 20th, 2010 | 10 Comments »

I love digging into my archives and reading through “older” posts! So I am super excited to participate in The 7 Link Challenge, found via Susannah Conway (who found it via Darren at Problogger). Susannah writes, “The idea is to link to six of your old posts (and one by another blogger) to help your readers dig deeper into your archives.”

The Seven Links

  • Your first post
  • A post you enjoyed writing the most
  • A post which had a great discussion
  • A post on someone else’s blog that you wish you’d written
  • Your most helpful post
  • A post with a title that you are proud of
  • A post that you wish more people had read

My Seven Link Picks

Wanna play along? Leave a link to your post in the comments and help create a beautiful ripple effect of inspiration!

:: goodies ::

-> Check out Spring for new content (videos, mp3 recordings, giveaways, guest posts) each day! The site is growing like crazy and is full of unique inspiration for designing a creative and intentional life. I hope you enjoy!!

-> Have you heard about The Daily Brainstorm? I am a regular contributor and it just launched last week. It is an emporium of blog posts on a broad range of topics. Be sure to visit the site and indulge in its amazing inspiration!

image: skippy designs

An Imperfect Ten: Inspired by the Beauty of Imperfection

March 16th, 2009 | 10 Comments »

monday-inspiration-cover-pic-by-cathy-nichols

Image by Cathy Nichols (Sanctuary)

(1) Effortless Perfection: Is it For You?

During the fall semester of my freshman year at Duke University, an article was published anonymously in our school newspaper. I think everyone can relate to this article on a different level.

While published in the newspaper at Duke, the issue of effortless perfection is evident on college campuses across the nation as well as almost every neighborhood. This article reminds me to strive for what makes me happy rather than solely for what makes others happy. Living in a structured box with no crayons is no fun!

“She worked hard on that exterior. It was important. Because what no one suspected was the demons that controlled her life, that had ravaged her self-esteem during her four years at Duke. No one realized how she felt from the moment she rolled out of bed to the early morning hours when she hit off the light. Like a failure. ‘Effortless perfection,’ the Women’s Initiative called it. Female undergraduates wanted ‘effortless perfection.’ It was the new catch phrase. She didn’t even want effortless perfection. Just perfection. She’d work for it. She wasn’t afraid of work. But she was fixated on the ideal, and sooner or later, it all began to come undone.” — An excerpt from Effortless Perfection

(2) The “Imperfection” Photography Project

Photographer, Jessica Hilltout, describes a powerful trip to Madagascar which led to her project, “Imperfection.”

In an interview, Jessica is asked, “What thoughts and concepts are you trying to express with this body of work?”

Jessica responds, “My world… people… privilege… perfection…  This project was almost a reaction against that… (the machine and the manufactured, the excess of consumption, the lack of individuality, media and advertising’s influence, the conformity…).

Imperfection for me speaks of uniqueness, character, that which is not asceptisized, that which is made by hand, unique that which has lived a long life and has been respected and cherished. Less is more, little things are big… the ingenuity of people with so little who achieve so much (ex. Recuperating old metal, plastic etc to create new objects).”

(3) Accepting Imperfection as Beauty

Nicolle Camarata of Nicolle Shops Portland describes Portland jewelery shop, Rock On Jewelry Design.

“Features Earth friendly, funky neckwear (necklaces not ties) made from things found. Using natural forms of stones, shells and beach glass, local artist Deanna Wohlgemuth has created a jewelry line with meaning. Her focus and inspiration? …accepting imperfection as beauty. By doing this it allows the true beauty to shine through. It is after all, imperfections that make things unique. Each piece is wire wrapped in sterling silver and adorned with a balance of new, salvaged, and antique beads….” — Nicolle Camarata

Artist, Deanna Wohlgemuth describes her jewelry line: “I’ll never have two designs that are exactly the same. The wonderful thing about my work is that it can be viewed simply as unique jewelry, but the story behind each piece is often what attracts others to my art. My pieces are keepsakes, and they won’t be out of style next season. Each piece has a story, and the meaning and purpose behind the story is always fashionable because it’s genuine.”

(4) Be Happy Without Being Perfect

Be Happy without being Perfect

Be Happy Without Being Perfect: How to Break Free from the Perfection Deception (Author: Dr. Alice D. Domar)

  • Listen to an interview with Dr. Alice D. Domar on BlogTalkRadio
  • Great article and interview from Today Show
    • Learn to be happy, without being perfect: Goals are good, but not reaching them isn’t the end of the world

Dr. Alice D. Domar, author of the book Be Happy Without Being Perfect, is a pioneer in the application of mind/body medicine to women’s health issues. She not only established the first Mind/Body Center for Women’s Health, but also conducts ongoing ground-breaking research in the field. Her research focuses on the relationship between stress and different women’s health conditions, and creating innovative programs to help women decrease physical and psychological symptoms.

(5) Girls who Draw present… Misfits (… and you really want to be part of this crowd)

Misfits Book

  • From the “Girls who Draw” Blog: Girls who Draw are an international group of all female illustrators each one with their own unique visual language. Their work is very diverse including slick digital graphics, quirky hand drawn characters, and humorous sequential imagery. Other than being women the main thing members of our group have in common is that we all make and sell our own work be it prints, t-shirts, artist’s books or other multiples. We got together in order to showcase our work to a wider audience. This has been the catalyst for our first collaborative project, a limited edition book based on the theme Misfits. We will combine our work to launch an exhibition of the same name in the UK during 2009.
  • Check out each member of the “Girls who Draw” — Clare Power (Bogus Baby), Jess Bradley, Gemma Correll, Jane Anderson (Currentstate), Zoe Darnell (Mmm…Biscuits!), Yee Ping Kuit, Yee Ting Kuit, Tanya Meditzky, Karoline Rerrie, and Sarah Ray.

(6) Color outside the Lines

outsidelines_artheadstudio

“By coloring outside the lines of her life  she found  her passion.” — Deborah C. Kracht

(7) A Ring with Magical Powers: A Reminder that it’s okay to be Imperfect

Image of Ring from Ordinary Courage Blog (Brene Brown)

… image from Ordinary Courage Blog

An excerpt from the blog entry by Brene Brown:

A couple of days after buying it, I found myself in a familiar situation. Someone needed wanted asked me to do something that I didn’t have the time, energy, or inspiration to do. Rather than saying “yes” right away, I stood there (looking crazy, I’m sure) and thinking. When I turned 40, I promised myself to be more thoughtful about saying yes when I really need to say no AND saying no when I really need to say yes.

As I stood there, I suddenly realized that I was spinning the little rings on my new ring. Each spin gave me confidence. It was a reminder about the real gifts of turning 40.

I said no. I chose discomfort over resentment.

Make sure to check out the blog post to watch a video demonstration of the ring in action!

(8) Creating a Collage

polyvore_collage by megg

… image by megg on polyvore

A collage: no guidelines, no checklist of items that must be utilized. The process of creating a collage forces us to think outside the box — to see items from a different perspective. Everyday items begin to look differently and a story unfolds.

You’re able to get out whatever you may be feeling — the good and the bad — mix it all together and create something beautiful.

A story is told as a result of a messy undefined process. You learn as you go.

It is that freedom — in those moments, when I’m simply focused on the joy of the moment. I feel weightless as if I can redefine the objectives — and we can at any time. Imagine if you had to define yourself like a word in the dictionary. Would you rather have a simple definition with a one line description or a definition with synonyms and antonyms, links to other words and no clear objective statement? I rather the latter.

Unclear and complicated, imperfection is filled with layers — layers that unravel and evolve. Layers that inspire. If life were purely a finished coat of paint, perfectly even — would that be beautiful?

(9) “If you can measure it, it’s probably not that important.”  — Brene Brown

Trying to be Brave — Blog post by Brene Brown on Ordinary Courage Blog

Read this blog post, read the comments, and then re-read it over and over again.

The hard part of imperfection: letting go of perfection. Perfection feels safe — no judgment, no battles. Imperfection is scary. Admitting imperfection is even scarier.

Yet, remaining true to yourself and what you believe in is too important to neglect. I write this with more conviction than ever. It will likely be the topic of my next book (another book — one day!).

I am constantly being judged and analyzed by others. It is much easier to give in and be the mold that people want you to be. But to do so would be admitting to yourself that you are not enough. For me, that would be the ultimate betrayal to myself and to those I love and cherish. And particularly to those individuals who gave me the wisdom to know that life is too important to put on hold.

carolyn_kadeejah1

This picture reminds me daily what it means to be brave. I’ll never forget the moments I sat next to Kadeejah, holding her hand or creating collages. I never saw her without a smile — until she closed her eyes. And even then I felt that smile. Her birthday is tomorrow and I feel like it gets harder every single year to feel the loss within me. I realize now that I am scared to reveal that part of my life because it is so painful. Yet, it is also the most beautiful part of my life. The part that fills me with passion and courage. And so I continually try to be brave. I don’t think it’s something we ever master.

(10) Ordinary Sparkling Moments: The Video

Just watched! Strongly suggest watching this video by Christine Mason Miller inspired by her book, Ordinary Sparkling Moments.

* * *

… Enjoy the Beauty of Imperfection …

… Relish the Unfolding Layers of Life …

* * *

What do you love about imperfection?