A Beautiful Ripple Effect » Perseverance

The Journey

Carolyn — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 05:48:48 +0000

I can see the finish line — something I’ve been dreaming of reaching, the day that I would cross the finish line and be able to look back and see how far I have truly traveled, how strong I’ve been against all odds. Yet, I’m fueled with resistance and fear and uncertainty and those oh so loud voices, whispering not so gently in my ear: you are not good enough. you will not make it to the finish line. Oh, the journey of a warrior — it never gets boring, but it sure does get exhausting. I’m exhausted, but I promised myself that I am going to make it to the finish line — even if I cross the line and come in last place, crawling my way across. I’m going to get there.

I wasn’t going to share, but I would love any positive thoughts to help me get to this finish line (one of many finish lines, but a very important one for me at this point in my journey).

Mark Your Calendar:

Fri 4/29 (Research Thesis due to committee & Presentation to my department)

Tue 5/3 (The BIG Presentation with Q & A in front of entire department — not just clinical field)

… Inspiration for The Journey …

all images link to sources via pinterest (click on image to be directed to its source)

Determined

Carolyn — Sun, 03 Apr 2011 04:41:18 +0000

You’ve quit your job to follow your passion, let’s say for the time being that the passion is to become a lawyer for creative individuals – maybe become a lawyer helping Etsians and other indie business owners. You love the law. You dream about the prospect of combining this passion with your passion of working with individuals following their own creative passion. You’ve worked as a legal aid and volunteered in so many positions that you know the law is for you. Finally, you take the leap. You quit your day job to follow your passion – to begin law school. You’ve spent years saving up the money to make this leap and you finally did it!

Then, this passion you dreamed about for so long becomes a reality. And this reality doesn’t match what you had day dreamed about for so long. You knew it would be grueling, but you were okay with grueling because you loved where it would get you – to the career of your dreams.

And slowly your passion begins to dwindle. But … why? Your grades begin to dictate that passion. And your grades are awful – even after studying and working grueling hours. You question your ability to actually get through law school (what were you thinking?) – and the Bar Exam, that is a fantasy you can’t even think about because law school is starting to make you weak… so weak that you end up questioning yourself. Are you good enough? Immediate answer: no. Are you smart enough? (NO!) And these thoughts lead to thoughts of not being worthy enough of obtaining your dream. Law school defines you – defines your dreams – defines your worthiness. And it feels completely rational since in the world of academics there are quantifiable values for what is “enough.” And your values don’t match up.

What do you do?

Do you give in and let the numbers dictate your thoughts, emotions, and actions? That would be the easiest approach.

Or do you question the validity of those numbers rather than questioning yourself? That would be the rational approach. Rather than letting the numbers be a measure of your abilities and taking them at face value – be your own lawyer – defend yourself – don’t take the numbers at face value. Challenge them with evidence in your favor. Most importantly, do not let these numbers dictate what you are worthy of receiving in the future. Not doing so great? Seize the opportunity to be the underdog — the underdog who shows that numbers and previous defeats don’t define one’s true ability. Use your passion to persevere and prove to yourself (and no one else) that you are enough.

You are worthy of success. Be determined to save your passion, no one (absolutely no one) has the right to take it away from you.

So back to our hypothetical situation, what do you do?

image: stephanie ryan (i recently purchased my first print from stephanie and am in love – her work is gorgeous!)

Strive and Search for What is Here

Carolyn — Sun, 06 Mar 2011 02:07:44 +0000

For the next few months, I’m hyper-focused on my graduate program. This is actually the first time in my life that I’m putting everything, my passion, focus, and dedication into one single goal. It feels strange and incredibly scary to put everything into one bucket — unsure if I’ll succeed, and knowing that if I don’t succeed, I can’t blame it on not giving my all (a clutch I’ve had in the past when juggling multiple big goals at once).

I want to document this time as much as I can on this blog so the journey doesn’t become too isolated (I’m writing this on a Saturday night in between working, so the isolation thing is already happening) and to be able to regain some perspective of the bigger picture. Oh yes, and of course (silly me!), to possibly connect with others who may be feeling a similar way or can relate to something within my ramblings. I know how important it is for me to read someone’s words and feel for a moment that I’m not alone on this journey and I’m not doing everything completely wrong — others are out there trying, failing, trying, and failing, but learning and persevering.

I love this quote and image found via pinterest. The words are by Robert Holden. If you haven’t read any of Robert Holden’s work, please do so — his wisdom on happiness is unparalleled. And beyond that he is a genuinely incredible person. I’ll always be grateful for his support during my book’s launch and for staying in touch every since to offer support and guidance on my unfolding journey.

… and I turned another year older on Tue March 1st! I’m officially 26 :)

… while I may not be able to respond to all comments, I read each and every one, more than once — and cannot tell you how much strength they give me when the going gets rough. sending you a big virtual hug for your support and for sharing your thoughts with me during this more vulnerable time.

Loss Love Life: A New Project Sheds Light on the Transformative Power of Loss

Carolyn — Sun, 11 Jul 2010 22:28:38 +0000

I received an email yesterday from someone who had recently read my book, Perseverance. It’s an email I receive often, an emotional account of how an individual perseveres through unimaginable darkness, that always leaves me speechless. I question why I am worthy of receiving acknowledgment when this individual is far more powerful than I could ever aptly describe in words. I am merely the conduit that made sure this book entered the world. I never questioned its need to be written, but do question why I was the person selected to write it.

For over ten years, I have immersed myself in a world that deals with loss on a daily basis. And I have become the person many people seek for hope and inspiration to work through the experience of loss. That’s a big role for one person to fill. I resisted this simple fact for quite some time. I felt that taking time to focus on myself would be selfish. In reality, by not taking this time, I was more selfish – acting as if I were superhuman. It wasn’t until I became my weakest that I realized the importance of beginning my own journey of healing. This blog served as my cocoon. Writing became a ritual that united me with my inner voice. It helped me to resist retreating into the habit of ignoring my emotions and self-care.

In May, I was contacted by Nicola Warwick of The Whole Self to contribute to a workbook she was creating on the power of loss. I resisted the project until the last day and then finally sat down with a piece of paper, a pen, and a big box of tissues. I wrote from my heart and after submitting the piece to Nicola felt a powerful wave of energy that sparkled with inspiration. I needed to write this piece, to share this story. I am grateful that the universe delivered this opportunity to me and that I embraced it.

The workbook, Loss Love Life, is available for free. You can download it and read its powerful stories whenever you feel the time is right. I have read it twice already and gain new insight each time. The workbook includes exercises and resources in addition to the powerful stories. The contributors include: Thursday’s Child, Julie Daley, Patti Digh, Margaret Fuller, Danielle LaPorte, Michael Nobbs, Carolyn Rubenstein, Andrea Schroeder, Kate Swoboda, Julie Jordan Scott, Dyana Valentine, Eydie Watts and Nicola Warwick.

Loss Love Life: Learn More + Download Here

Embrace Your Vulnerability

Carolyn — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 13:00:52 +0000

When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability…To be alive is to be vulnerable.
-Madeleine L’Engle

Embracing vulnerability is one of the toughest challenges. Being vulnerable means accepting the unknown and uncontrollable. The protective walls of “perfection” are removed. And our authentic self is fully present. While one of the greatest challenges, embracing vulnerability is also one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves.

With all the pain and challenges in life, it would seem foolhardy to encourage vulnerability. However, there are benefits to allowing yourself to be open to the unknown and accepting your inability to handle every situation by yourself.

Take a moment to think of a time that you were vulnerable.

Perhaps it was the moment when you first told someone that you loved them? Or maybe it was the last time you experienced problems with your health? Chances are you were apprehensive (or just plain scared) about the outcome. Will the person you love feel the same about you? Will your illness be treatable? While these events leave you open to harm, they can turn out to be positive experiences. Consider the satisfaction of knowing that you are loved in return! Imagine your joy when you learn that you will recover!

If however your vulnerability leaves you wounded, there are still lessons to be learned. Emotional and physical pain can often be the impetus for positive personal change and improvement. In addition, you will likely find yourself surrounded by an unexpected and kindly support system that you may not have realized existed.

Being vulnerable requires trust and faith that, despite the outcome, you will be changed. Vulnerability is not a sign of weakness. Letting your guard down and opening yourself up to whatever comes is a testament of true strength.

Don’t deny your vulnerability – embrace it. It is proof that you are a caring, involved, and strong individual!

I am not a person who likes to be viewed as vulnerable – I usually prefer to be a portrait of strength, stability, and independence. My experiences, however, have taught me that there are times that it is necessary and beneficial to let down my defenses and allow myself to be loved by my support system.
-Jamie Saunders (Perseverance)

Thought-Provoking Questions
- How do you embrace your vulnerability?
- What words do you associate with “vulnerable?”
- What lessons have you learned about vulnerability?
- Do you feel that crying is a sign of strength or weakness?
- Do you fear feeling vulnerable?

Two Videos: Lessons Learned and Guess Who’s In a Book

Carolyn — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 18:40:35 +0000

Lessons Learned

Guess Who’s In a Book! [Video by Dan Pack - Chapter 2]

-> Purchase Perseverance

50 Ways to Add Joy to Your Day

Carolyn — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 17:06:39 +0000

It’s pretty gloomy in New England this time of year. It feels like darkness has completely overpowered natural sunshine. While I could dwell on the negative aspects of winter, I am shifting my mindset this season. Everyday, I have committed to doing at least one thing that brings me joy. In order for this to actually work, I created a little list to reference when it’s time for my daily dose of joy. It’s simple, fun, and has a tremendous influence on my general wellbeing.

This little list of 50 items includes some of my personal “joy” favorites. EnJOY!

1. Smile.

2. Write a thank-you note to yourself (on your best stationery, of course).

3. Venture outside for a five-minute walk.

4. Indulge in a delicious piece of chocolate (or hot chocolate with lots of marshmallows!).

5. Find a piece of jewelry you haven’t worn in awhile – feels just like vintage shopping!

6. Pick fresh flowers or send yourself a little bouquet of favorite flowers.

7. Laugh – Visit a funny blog, watch a movie, or spend time with someone who makes you laugh.

8. Find serenity at a favorite local spot (ex. a park, a lake, a coffee shop, a little nook in your house or office).

9. Take one action towards a goal or dream.

10. Hit the pause button and spend five-minutes alone – allow your mind to become quiet.

11. Bake a favorite treat with a family member or friend — or bake alone and surprise someone special with yummy treats.

12. Discover an uplifting and fun song – something new.

13. Slow down and enjoy a long brunch.

14. Try a new fitness class.

15. Indulge in watching tv or reading a magazine – guilt free!

16. Declare a vacation day – write it BIG on your calendar so you get to anticipate this upcoming personal time (a vacation day can fall on the weekend).

17. Do a good deed — help someone else find joy.

18. Treat yourself to a favorite cup of coffee or tea – enjoy the flavors and activate your senses.

19. Be goofy! Dance around your room to your favorite music.

20. Explore the inspirational and joyful blog, Kind Over Matter.

21. Draw for fun.

22. Get rid of two items in your physical environment that make you feel negative.

23. Bite into a piece of fresh fruit.

24. Wear a color that makes you feel confident and joyful!

25. Write down three things that you are grateful for.

26. Call a supportive friend – or reconnect with someone you haven’t spoken to in awhile.

27. Watch the sunset from a beautiful location.

28. Discover something new.

29. Start a book that you’ve been meaning to read.

30. Begin a fun DIY project.

31. Frame a photo of a favorite memory.

32. Take five deep breaths and stretch.

33. Browse books at your local book store (may I suggest one book in particular, Perseverance).

34. Interview yourself (sounds foolish, but can be oh so fun!).

35. Try a new recipe.

36. Learn something new (ex. a new hobby or craft).

37. Redesign (use what you already own to redesign your space) an area of your office or home.

38. Write a thoughtful comment on a personal blog you read (comments mean the world to me – hint hint!).

39. Create a list of 10 things you love about your significant other – surprise him/her with the list.

40. Look on the bright side.

41. Take a short, relaxing nap. Wake up rejuvenated.

42. Ask for support from those you trust with a problem – solving a problem definitely adds joy to the day.

43. Disconnect for lunch – close your door, turn off the computer and blackberry, and simply enjoy a peaceful lunch break.

44. Search for a hidden treasure on Ebay or Etsy.

45. Write a hope note and leave it for someone to find.

46. Connect with your fellow tweeters. Send a tweet with a joyful message.

47. Donate one item (or your time) to a local charity.

48. Create a collage (or browse the outstanding galleries) on Polyvore.

49. Create a list of 10 things that make you happy – your own personal “joy” list.

50. Make a commitment to do at least one thing per day that adds joy to your life.

Are the odds in your favor?

Carolyn — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 02:18:55 +0000

The difference between what we do, and what we are capable of doing, would solve most of the world’s problems.” -Mahatma Gandhi

During a recent conversation, someone (I’ll maintain this person’s anonymity!) told me, “The odds are not in your favor.” I was appalled when I heard the statement, especially because the person was referring to the success of something very important to me. The individual could not understand why the remark upset me as much as it did.

After the conversation, I couldn’t stop thinking about the meaning behind the statement. The other person thought it was simply a pronouncement of fact, and it may well be, but to me, it’s a declaration that lacks any kind of hope and any of the power found in perseverance.

I’ve learned repeatedly from the world of childhood cancer that the odds are often not in your favor; however, the strongest and happiest children and families I have known chose not to focus on those odds. They had nothing to gain by doing so. Instead, they shifted their focus to what was in their favor. Often, that was the beauty of the moment and the unwavering belief that one must never stop living because of a storm. Life doesn’t wait for us.

Life is a journey that can never be defined by odds. We—not others—choose how we live our lives. If we decide to believe in ourselves, then nothing can diminish our potential.

The statement the person made, while hurtful at the time, helped me appreciate yet again the fuel that drives my passion to create a completely unique life journey. The fuel: believing that anything is possible, the excitement to disprove “the odds” and do things that others say can’t be done. The strength I gain from that fuel drives me to expect the unexpected, to know the unknown, and to make possible the impossible. Without this mindset, dreams remain unreachable…and a life without dreams is barren.

The odds will always exist, but we won’t. So take what is in your favor and chase those dreams. As you begin, take this fact away with you: it’s time for YOU to soar!

Confused or Afraid?

Carolyn — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 03:52:37 +0000

I haven’t been able to post a blog. I’ve written many posts, but they are sitting on my desktop. I can’t seem to “publish” a post. Yes, I know, I just “published” a book – a post should be a piece of cake! But the perfectionist in me seems to be dominating the stage.

Publishing Perseverance has been the most difficult experience. I still can’t even grasp the reality of everything. Days are blurring together and I feel utterly confused about everything.

Or so I thought.

I realized that the perfectionist in me only perceives two distinct points: start and finish. Anything in between these two points gets mushed into one pile for further analysis. Yet, when I step back, I am much more aware of “my life” than the perfectionist within me realizes. And reality is scary! Confusion is a much easier state to brush off and explain to others. Fear takes a lot more effort and courage to overcome.

The reality of Perseverance’s release is not what I imagined. As a result, “publish” has not become a word or action that I am gravitating towards. I’m afraid. I put everything within me into Perseverance – my heart, my youth – so much was sacrificed. I was naive and allowed its success (or lack thereof) to translate into my personal success (all 24 years). I understand that mistake now, but that doesn’t erase the experience. In order to change the way I perceive myself, I need to make really difficult changes. These changes challenge how I live and my next steps. And that leads me right into the safety net of confusion.

My heart is writing this post and I am going to hit “publish.” I know where I am right now and I am not going to allow confusion or fear to stop me from moving forward — and making changes.

A little phrase that serves as my anchor: I believe in you.

Whisper these four words to yourself. Take a deep breath. Listen to your heart. Believe in YOU.

{image: studio mela on etsy}

Perseverance: Book Video Trailer!

Carolyn — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 02:12:56 +0000

I am so excited to share this book video trailer with you for PERSEVERANCE! I hope you enjoy learning a little bit more about the book and my personal background. There is a part two that I will be posting next week.

I’m also excited to share exciting news on here with my incredible supporters. I’ve been a little hesitant to share the news because I don’t want to jinx it in anyway, but a few people have heard through other online sources so I thought I should say something so no one thinks I’m hiding anything :).

I am so grateful for this opportunity and am literally smiling from ear to ear as I write this post. This opportunity will help me to use my voice to spread the message of Perseverance to a very large audience. And I’m so grateful that I may not stop typing if I don’t just say it already! Okay, deep breath…. In a little over a week, on Monday August 31st, I will be appearing live on the Today Show to discuss PERSEVERANCE. I promise to include more details as the date gets closer. To say I am excited and thrilled would be an understatement, so I’ll let this book video trailer give you a little sneak peek into the Journey of Perseverance and why it means so much to me!

Again, thank you so much for your support throughout this entire journey. It is truly incredible to be surrounded by such amazing people. Thank You!

This video was filmed and produced by Lauren Saffa. She is so unbelievably talented and sweet. Such a joy to film this video with – thank you, Lauren!