Monday Inspiration: 10 Steps for Overcoming Overwhelm
“We spend most of our time and energy in a kind of horizontal thinking. We move along the surface of things… [but] there are times when we stop. We sit still. We lose ourselves in a pile of leaves or its memory. We listen and breezes from a whole other world begin to whisper.” — James Carroll
I decided to write this post after battling with feeling overwhelmed last week. I wanted to provide a more personal look into “overcoming overwhelm.” I have inserted excerpts from my personal journal to help explain how I utilize these steps. I hope these steps help you to look at overwhelming situations a bit differently and most importantly, help you to realize that you are never alone. We all feel overwhelmed. I realize my example is a bit superficial, but I don’t think it matters. I feel overwhelmed by things that are superficial and things that are far from superficial, but how I react to feeling overwhelmed tends to be the same regardless of the specific situation. And by no means have I figured out the solution to avoiding feeling overwhelmed. If someone has found that secret solution, I would love to know about it!
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1. Recognize the Feelings
Determine the common feelings/thoughts/behaviors that accompany feeling overwhelmed.
To help recognize the feelings, I documented what happened to me last week when I started to feel overwhelmed. Below are notes from my personal journal.
I feel anxiety soaring through my body. My mind is jumping around so much that I feel dizzy. First thought: I am overwhelmed. How did I get here? What have I been doing? I’ve been working all day on research and coding. I’ve felt focused, calm, and productive. So what triggered, “I am overwhelmed?”
Don’t ignore these initial feelings. The key is to catch these thoughts/ feelings before they erupt.
Think of this step like the process of recognizing someone walking towards you on the street.
2. Attend to the feelings
After you recognize that someone is walking towards you on the stress, is the process done? Most of the time: no. You think about how you know this person. If it’s a friend, you’re probably going to want to stop and say hi. If it’s someone you don’t know, you’re probably going to keep walking. If it’s someone you’re in a fight with, you’re probably going to do something different. Now back to feeling overwhelmed.
So I recognized that I was feeling overwhelmed. But then what? The next step is to focus on the feelings — what is going through your mind? What led to those feelings? Below is the next section in my journal entry.
I went on Amazon to purchase a book on qualitative data analysis. On the home screen of my account, I saw an alert regarding a book that I had pre-ordered. It was a notification that the book would be shipped earlier than noted online. I noticed that it was my book, Perseverance, so I clicked on the link for more information.
When I saw the screen, I got excited and felt pride — wow my book is on Amazon. And then I scrolled down and my eye stopped on a very long number. [Remember - I had been doing data analysis all day]
My eye stopped at: Book Rank.
Book Rank: 2 million something…. YIKES! TWO MILLION!!!
It might as well just say no one is looking at this book and no one is going to buy this book when it comes out. Of course, I wanted to be really nice to myself so I clicked on the link to the list of “bestsellers.” It was conveniently located right next to my book’s ranking.
I proceeded to peruse the books on the bestseller list and their websites and their blogs and their magic tricks and I began to panic. I can do magic tricks too. I can write “professional” blog entries, hold virtual seminars twice a week, and speak in five cities a day. And so all of these ideas flood into my head and I am panicking. It’s already midnight so I must get started NOW!
And so I sit at my computer ready to create my “master plan.” But there’s a document already open on my computer — oh yes, my research project.
Reality hits quickly and a tidal wave of fear takes over my thoughts.
Rational thoughts hide in the background and are no where to be seen.
I ask myself, “what am I doing?”
Thought 1: I must quit grad school right now so I can focus solely on my book.
Thought 2: Is that really what YOU want?
3. Cross-Examination
Questions. Questions. Questions.
Even when my rational thoughts seem to have disappeared, I am able to ask questions. And so I do — lots and lots of questions.
I recognize that something is not right (I feel overwhelmed).
I attend to the feelings. (Don’t ignore what’s underneath the “overwhelmed.”)
I question.
If you look at my journal entries. I ask lots of questions throughout, such as:
- How did I get here?
- What have I been doing?
- What triggered, “I feel overwhelmed?”
- So I recognized that I was feeling overwhelmed. But then what?
- What is going through your mind?
- What led to those feelings?
- I ask myself, “what am I doing?”
- Is that really what YOU want?
Questions allow me to rationally restructure my thoughts even when I feel far from rational. They lead me to the source of the problem and allow me to go from panic mode to problem solving mode.
Most importantly, questioning the irrational thoughts is a way to defend yourself — your rational self.
Final section of journal entry:
It seems that my cross-examining worked. Rational thoughts came back to the surface.
It’s going to be okay. I realize that I am only one person.
And so what if others don’t understand that publishing a book and completing the first year of graduate school is a lot for one person.
Back to my reality.
And I repeat to myself a quote that has been with me all day:
“At any given moment you have the power to say: This is not how the story is going to end.” — Christine Mason Miller, Ordinary Sparkling Moments.
4. Reflect and Recharge
Every time I go through this process, I take time to reflect at the end. I congratulate myself for pausing and taking control when I could have ignored the feelings building within me. I recognize that I am doing something that is still very new to me and feel a sense of pride for taking the time to defend myself.
I realize the power of my book. It is changing the way I live my own life on a daily basis. The subtitle of the book is much more than just words. For many books, I don’t think this is the case. A subtitle can become a marketing tactic — to add a bit of “umph” to the title. But the subtitle of my book is focused on reality: How Twenty Young People Turned Fear into Hope — and How They Can Teach Us to do the Same.
For me to overcome feeling overwhelmed, I am turning my fears into hope. I am moving from a negative state, feeling paralyzed by fear, to a positive state, feeling energized by hope.
Through hope, I recharge.
5. Move Forward
Decide “next steps.” Determine what you are going to focus on without ignoring what has just led to you feeling overwhelmed. For me, I decided to focus on my research and my book. I needed to evaluate how I would balance both of these projects without feeling overwhelmed everyday. No master plan created. It’s still a work in progress, but a work that I am attending to and focusing on. Often, when things become overwhelming — even if we recognize them as overwhelming — the easiest thing to do is to ignore the overwhelming culprit. But we’re really not ignoring it. It is still in our mind, but just sitting there. We’re not taking any steps to move forward. And so it drains our energy and sits there untouched. Moving forward for me means that I make it a priority to not leave the feeling untouched in the back of my mind. I make it a goal to focus on it everyday for a few minutes so I don’t revert back to the cycle of what led to my previous feeling of helplessness.
6. Assess the Worst Case Scenario
For me, this step is never the fun part. However, it is often the most helpful part of the process. When we assess the worst case scenario — we are able to move out of the paralyzing state of fear.
So what was the worst case scenario in my situation?
The book’s ranking continues to drop and becomes the lowest ranked book on Amazon — EVER. There it is. I ask myself — So What??
I didn’t write the book to gain money or prestige. I wrote the book to tell a story and that’s done regardless of Amazon Ranking. So what is important to me? Where do I want to focus my energy with regards to the book publishing process?
My goal is to inspire individuals to focus on struggles (whatever they may be) from a different perspective. To give individuals hope that, even during rough patches, they can grow stronger. To share what I have learned from the amazing individuals within Perseverance. It’s often during the difficult moments in life that we find more meaning and joy. We all have within us the incredible power to persevere. To share the core message: learn to live with energy and passion, regardless of the obstacles you face, knowing that now is everything.
The focus from the beginning has been on respecting the quality of the book’s message. I feel that it’s becoming far too easy to sacrifice quality for quantity. And that is something I strive NOT to do with anything I undertake.
* What reminded me of the importance of asking yourself, what’s the worst thing that could happen? Tough Question Tuesday post on the When I Grow Up Blog
7. Ask for Help
“Don’t be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect. It is this fragile thread that binds us to each other.” — Brian Dyson
This step is simple yet profoundly difficult. You must first admit to yourself that you are overwhelmed and then admit to someone else. And sometimes you won’t receive the help you need and other times someone will help you in just the way you needed. Last week, I asked for help on twitter when I was having major writer’s block. I didn’t think anyone would care or even respond. I was wrong. Aby Garvey sent me a clip from TED. I watched the video at least three times and have sent it to many people for inspiration. After watching the video, I was able to write. And I realized yet again that asking for help doesn’t equate to weakness, but to strength.
Just admitting that you’re overwhelmed (even if it’s just on a piece of paper) is healing. It translates the intangible into something concrete that you can work with.
The video is a speech by Elizabeth Gilbert entitled: A different way to think about creative genius.
8. Reality Check
- Do I NEED to do everything NOW?
- What can I defer?
Give yourself a break. Letting go of one current obligation helps to free up valuable time and leaves you with a little wiggle room. Easier said than done? I dropped a required class this year, statistics. I will need to make it up next year with the first year graduate students. I need the additional time and that’s okay.
9. Visual Reminders
I have two main visual reminders: my inspiration board (a whole other blog post) and my desktop wallpaper. I use my desktop image as a reminder of something I can do when life feels overwhelming. Sometimes it’s a quote — sometimes it’s an image. Right now I’m using images from lululemon’s website. Lululemon is known for their yoga clothing, but is much more. Their website is a reflection of their company’s motto: creating components for people to live longer, healthier, more fun lives. They have an entire section of free desktop images.
For me, yoga is something I can do in less than 5 minutes to help clear my mind, refresh, and recharge.
10. Finding Detours
Often we feel stuck or even set ourselves up to feel overwhelmed. I did that on this blog recently.
I wanted to do a four day giveaway event — four days in a row and end it with a wonderful announcement. However, I did this knowing that last week was one of the biggest weeks for me — research presentation, meetings in new york, birthday. But I did it anyway. And I only completed two days. I feel awful and overwhelmed and want to make it all up right now. But I can’t. I’ve realized that it’s okay if I don’t do my first blog giveaway perfectly. I’ll finish the giveaway event this week. Rationally, I know if anyone hates me for not putting my giveaway up on time that this blog isn’t for them. It’s not a giveaway blog or a professional blog. It’s a blog about living authentically and part of living authentically is being vulnerable and showing imperfection. Understanding that “not being enough” is a struggle we all deal with and a part of what makes us unique individuals. And so I will not neglect my blog for fear of not being a perfect blogger. Because I know I’m not a perfect blogger and do not want to even begin to strive for that.
To feel unstuck, we need to find detours. Detours are okay. No need to repave the entire road — just change directions. To get to a destination, there is usually more than one route.
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Turning Fear Into Hope
And so it comes full circle. What led me to write this post was my fear tied to book publishing. And what resulted from that fear was hope instilled in me that beauty can grow from darkness and uncertainty. We just have to find the little bud of hope and hold onto it. We all have the power to do that. We all have the power to hold onto hope, attend to hope, feed our hope — like a bridge over troubled water.
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How do you overcome overwhelm? What have you found to be helpful for yourself?
What allows some people to eclipse the realm of the possible? Are they really the exceptional ones, or is there more to the equation than mere luck?
Life unfolds every moment. There are good moments and bad moments. I am learning that even during these awful, yucky moments we have the ability to experience something beautiful. I am learning this through practice. Prior to becoming more mindful, bad moments meant dark clouds, tears, and sadness. I only saw black and white. I didn’t realize that there were other options. Of course, sadness is felt; however, it does not have to be the only emotion present. During rough experiences, I felt as if the only direction I could go was down. And so I went down… until my eyes finally opened and the pieces of my life started to make sense. They don’t fit perfectly together and I’m embracing that.